BY YOUR SIDE (complete ✅)

Chapter 3 (Please let me hold you for a while)

New wakes up to half of Tay's body draped over his in a starfish pose. Tay has sleepwalked into his bed again. He sighs and looks down at the sleeping face. He is beautiful even in slumber. He attempts to silently slip out but Tay grabs a handful of his shirt and holds on to it.

"Teh, let go," he whispers. The man whines and snuggles closer to his chest. New resigns himself to his fate. He fingers the wild mop of hair on Tay's head, careful to not wake him. He smiles when Tay moans and digs his fingers dig deeper into the scalp, massaging gently. After a few seconds, he slips back into unconsciousness.

New wakes up the second time to Tay's face inches away from his. His best friend smiles, rivaling the light from the sun. New blinks against the brightness. "Were you watching me sleep again?"

His nose scrunches as his smile takes over his whole face. "Yes, you're prettier when you're asleep."

New has learned to take these utterances at face value. Tay says sweet things he doesn't mean anything by. He was pretty clear when he said he didn't want that kind of thing with New. "You're weird." He throws the covers off their body and sits up. "I'm hungry." His stomach rumbles on command. "Make me some food."

"Say please."

"Please your majesty Tawan, make me some food. I'm just a poor lowly servant." He pouts and bats his lashes.

"Shouldn't the servant make the food?"

"But I'm pretty. You just said so."

Tay looks at him. He bites on his lower lip as he stifles a smile. He gives up after a second, a smile adorning his face. "Fine." He steps down from the mess of blankets and pillows. "But you have to help me."

"Do I have to?" He grumbles.

"Do you want to eat?" Asks Tay. "Come on, I need your company."

New couldn't say no to that. He follows him out.

**

New leans back against the wall where Tay has banished him to after he almost spilled the pancake mix. He smiles to himself as he admires his busy best friend. Tay's brows are furrowed in concentration. He is usually the clumsy one but in the kitchen, he becomes a different person. His hands move with methodical efficiency.

His back muscles shift against the thin fabric of the white t-shirt New is certain belongs to him. He no longer has feelings for his best friend but moments like this swell his hunger to the point of insanity. He itches to run a hand over Tay's back. To kiss the back of his neck. Suck a mark into his collarbone. Touch him in places he knows he has never been touched before. Places he know he's not allowed to touch.

Tay suddenly turns around with a gummy smile on his face. "I know you're hungry, you polar bear." His eyes are affectionate. "Just wait a few more minutes. It'll be ready soon."

New returns the smile. His heart squeezes. It hasn't done this in a long time. At least not this severely. "Take all the time you need."

"You were just complaining."

New shrugs. Tay shakes his head and resumes cooking. He only ever cooks for New on command. There are so many things Tay does only when New asks. Sometimes, he doesn't have to ask.

**

4 years ago

New paces the length of Tay's bedroom. His heart is pounding. His voice has gone hoarse from screaming. Only Tay could elicit this kind of emotion from him. "Are you out of your mind?" He screams. "You can't do that."

Tay grabs his wrist to halt the pacing. "You can't tell me what to do!" His tone matches New's.

New huffs. He snatches his hand out of Tay's loose grip. "You idiot! I'm not asking you to do this for me. You worked so hard for this, Teh."

"Then let me decide what to do with it."

"You—," He shoves Tay's chest, frustrated. "You're a fucking idiot."

"You are a bigger idiot if you think I'm going to leave you behind."

New wants to pull his hair out. He wants to knock some sense into him. "You're not leaving me behind! It's just for four years!"

"Just?" Tay snaps. He chuckles humorlessly. "Just he says. Four years is not just. I—," He shakes his head. "I am not moving to a different country, a different continent. I can't do it without you."

"Teh," He decompresses. He lays a hand on Tay's biceps. "This is a wonderful opportunity. You can't miss out on it just because I didn't get in."

"I didn't want this in the first place. I applied because you did. I just—" The dam in his eyes break. He sniffs and brushes an angry tear away. "I wanted to be by your side. If I go, then what's the point?"

"But Teh—,"

His head is shaking. "No buts. I've made my decision, and it is final. I'm staying here with you. I want to be with you." He covers New's hand on his arm with his. They are warm. They feel safe. Like home. "I want to be by your side. Always. Forever." His voice drops to a low whisper. "Do you want me to?"

Tay's eyes flit between New's. He looks terrified. New understands his fear. He has been afraid since he found out his best friend got the scholarship. He cannot live without Tay either. Tay had to spend one vacation in China for their third-year summer break. They communicated every day but it was still the worst vacation for New. How would he survive four years without his sun?

He steps forward and drops his head onto Tay's chest. Tay holds him close, his long arms caving him in. Home. "Are you sure?" he murmurs.

Tay presses a kiss to his hair. "There's nothing I'm surer of."

**

Now

The memory pulls a shiver out of New. Emotions assail him from every angle. Whenever he starts to feel his grip losing on their relationship, he reaches out to this memory and cradles it to his chest.

New wipes the tears from his eyes before his friend can see them. He loves him. He wants Tay to be by his side. Forever. Always. But he knows it's not feasible. Tay has to explore new horizons. Feel new things. Experience new firsts. New feels bad as it stands for stealing his first kiss. One's first kiss should be with a person of their choosing. Someone they'd want to have that kind of thing with. But he didn't give Tay a choice in the matter.

When he envisions his future, there is not a single one without Tay by his side. He's not ready to lose his best friend to this Lee. A sense of longing he has kept buried for years crashes down on him. He strides forward, without second-guessing himself, to where Tay is plating the last batch of pancakes. He rests his head against Tay's warm back.

Tay jolts. He glances over his shoulders and relaxes. New winds his arms around his waist. He presses his nose into the groove of his back.

Tay's hands lay across New's. He strokes them. "Are you okay, Hin?"

"I'm fine. Please let me hold you for a while."

Tay lets him.