The path to a chained heart (EDITING)

Writing down memories - 19

Ooo, strange chapter name ;-) Anyway, enjoy this chapter too!

Mizuki's sub-consciousness:

I feel so lost now. I don't even think I remember the name of my brother. I thought I knew his name a moment ago.

Yet... something seems to be snatching my precious memories away from me. My grasp keeps loosening. It's making my recollections crumble to dust and be swept away. Those black gaps in my memory are widening quickly and I have nothing to sew them together with.

It's even scarier when you know that your memories are disappearing, having no way of letting that important sand to stop seeping through your hands.

I think I used to joke around about losing my memories but it doesn't actually seem so funny any more. I feel scared? I think. Well, it is kind of scary the way I can't tell if I actually exist. I feel bad: my friends... my parents must be worrying so much. I wish I could get back.

But if I did... where would I go? Who would I run to? No, that's silly, as I have my mum, dad, brother and my friends to go back to. Boy, if I told him I forgot his name he'd go crazy! I only remember their faces - not their names or anything in particular. All except the fact that they called me nee-san. So were they my friends or family? Ugh! I wish I had a wall to take out my anger on right now! Wait... that's just weird. If that is me saying that I wonder how they dealt with me! Well, it doesn't matter now, because I can't even remember my own name anyway!

When I thought things beginning to clear up (a little if I tried to be a bit positive about my utterly annoying situation) the spreading darkness retrieved itself so I had some sort of view on three people. I ponder who they could possibly be, as I don't even know if I'm dreaming! I might be asleep for all I know (I am trying not to think that I'm dead because I don't want to know).

Even if I was just imagining, they were far too familiar to just be part of some dream. If someone gave me the answer to what on Calantraena... or another planet... was happening I don't think I would even get the foggiest idea what they were talking about. The one with sunflower eyes - I think I know him. He's my brother I-will-eventually-remember-his-name and I see him arguing with another familiar face. A friend perhaps? I seem like the kind of intriguing person to make friends.

I'm not a goth - am I?! If I am I just may die of shock (if I'm dead I probably will find a way to die again).

The boy, who I think was my brother, was arguing - and poking fun at - the girl with sleek black hair, if it wasn't caked in dirt, and blue eyes like the raging ocean waves. Although I couldn't hear what they were saying, I could tell just by their creased eyebrows and stretched facial expressions that made them look like they were yelling. A boy with calm and bright green eyes with messy black hair seemed to be watching casually; was he used to this?!

I wondered how long they had been in that dark place. Their hair was long and untidy, and I revolted at the sight of blood... and other weird things stuck in their hair. Also, I could see fabric wrapped around what was most likely wounds and cuts. The person that I thought was my brother had a shiny silver claymore on his back. Strangely, it was quite shiny even though he was covered in mud and nearly every other horrific thing I could think of. Yuck.

I felt shivers go down my spine, ears tickling and sweat trickle down the side of my face. Deep in thought, I tried to list all the reasons why I could see what these people were doing - some sort of important relation to why I could see this. I wish, I wish, I wish this could all just be explained and I can get out of this creepy place. It gives me goosebumps all over my skin, my hair rising uncomfortably.

When I examined closer (I had nothing else to do, other than moan how annoying being stuck here was) I pointed out many things about the people before me. Wait a minute - does that mean I am a stalker?! No! No! No!

Hopefully, that isn't true, and I tell myself I might just be giving the worst possible scenarios. I don't seem like the kind of person to stalk. Read people's diaries perhaps..? I don't think I am anyway. I couldn't hear anything but that didn't make things much harder (or easier, I prefer if it was, though). The girl with black hair had the tendency to be both smart and silly, which I grew fond of as I watched them. She also ran off another way; they had to chase after her, which, though it happened a few times, I found it funny. I can see why they were in a hurry to get to her - she had the only map!

My possible brother, well, nothing really interesting to say about him, except that he had a habit of being sarcastic, and that made one of the various questions I had vanish: why the two disliked each other so much. He would sometimes grab hold of his sword, as if he always had a wary and slightly paranoid air carried about him.

I noticed that I am referring to them all by the colours of their eyes or their hair. I believe that is the only thing that I can think of to describe them (I should add in that the girl's grin is quite hilarious and cunning, like she is always planning something). I felt proud of my 'brother' when I caught a bold glance of his determination and I smiled.

And, the boy who stood on the sidelines while the two were arguing, had a very unfortunate habit of muttering things out loud. Honestly, I feel bad for him... though their reactions as a group are funny, I'd hate it if I had that habit. His hair reminded me of one of those oval brushes - ones that always had those little pins for tidying hair, sticking out in multiple ways, like his messy hair. To me, it seems like his appearance was unaffected (except for his clothes).

I was confused greatly when I saw my brother drag his sword across the stone wall, meanwhile the other two stood as far away as manageable and covered their ears. That screeching must've hurt. I squinted to get a look at what he wrote.

It said:

"Mizuki-nee you still remember us, don't you? Me - your otouto-san, Himari imouto-chan and Homare otouto-san? Don't forget us!" In scrawny writing, bent and wonky.

My eyes widened in realisation, gathering some understanding of what was going on.

My name was Mizuki.

Mizuki Katsumoto. But that still came with many questions.

Like: "Do I have amnesia?" And, "Why am I like this?"

One thing's for sure - my name. There were many other things for me to know. Just how long would it take, I wonder.

I gazed at my friends, desperately wanting the knowledge of what was going on and how I could escape to see them again. Nothing seemed to come to mind, but that eerie presence of someone watching me still remained.

"I can't wait for Mizuki to see this!" My younger brother exclaimed.

If only I could tell them that I am here, that I can see them and I'm not giving up anytime soon.

I wanted to, I really did, but even if I screamed and shouted towards them, I had no response received.

Ouch! That must be scarring 0-0

See you all in the next chapter!

"It's impossible to save everyone, otherwise you'll risk losing them all." ~ Asahi Katsumoto