SUMMER'S END

25

They’d rinsed off in the sea, re-applied sunscreen—in a chaste way,satiated for now—and sat sipping beer in the shade of the umbrella.Robyn tried to appear calm on the outside, but on the inside a whirlwind of emotions slowly started bubbling to the surface.“Are you having a good birthday?” They’d barely spoken, as if the earlier moment of blind passion could only be revered by muteness. The smile Nicki shot her was crooked, a bit withdrawn maybe. “I think you know that.” She had pulled her knees up and curled her arms around them, as if her body needed protecting from something invisible.
“Was that really your definition of a slow fuck?” Sometimes, Robyn had no control over what she said and the words just gushed out.She felt a blush rise to her cheeks as she said it.Nicki chuckled and shook her head. “Somehow, there’s no going slow with you.”Robyn could relate. The urgency that rushed through her the instant they touched was staggering. “Maybe… in time.”
“Yes, time…” Nicki repeated. “The one thing we don’t have.”It was a difficult subject. One that Robyn did’t even know should even be broached. The facts were simple and clear. The rest far from it.
“Do you ever go back to the UK?” She considered it a fair enough question, not too inappropriate.
“Only when I really have to, which is not very often.” She sipped from her beer before continuing. “Not more than once a year, just to check in with my family. To let them know I’m all right. People need
to see for themselves once in a while, you know, otherwise they don’t believe you.”Robyn thought about the vast amount of unanswered e-mails
from her mother in her inbox. She should e-mail back later today.She didn’t feel as resentful anymore.“When was the last time?” She secretly hoped it had been more than a year.
“January. I usually go when the weather is most miserable. Just to wallow in it a bit. To feel really cold for once.” Nicki had been staring out into the horizon when speaking, but she now turned to face Robyn. “What will you do when you get back?”
The unavoidable question. Robyn had, first and foremost, runaway from the fall-out of her failed engagement, but also from her professional future, which had been mapped out since the day she was born. “Become the solicitor I’m supposed to be, I guess.”
“You don’t sound very convinced.”
“It’s just such an inextricable part of the life I had to get away from for a bit. Not necessarily a part I hated, but everything is so intertwined. My family and Jasper’s family, they live and work and breathe in the same incestuous circles in London.” She hesitated before speaking next. “But I guess it’s too early for me to retire to a Thai island.”
“You’re so young, Robyn. You literally have your entire life ahead of you. This is only the beginning…” A sadness had taken hold of Nicki’s voice.
“You’re only forty-one yourself. You have a whole lot of life to live too.” Robyn didn’t take her eyes of Nicki. “Do you really plan to stay here for the rest of your days?”
“I wasn’t really looking ahead so much as to the past.” Nicki shrugged. “And what would I do? Go back to investing people’s money?” She shook her head. “When I was your age I believed money was everything and I became really good at making tons of it, until I realised it didn’t mean a thing.”
“Maybe, um, you could find another reason to go back?” Robyn tried, her voice sounding smaller than she wanted it to. Nicki  managed a small smile. “Maybe I could.” She finished her beer, tossed it to the side and delved into the cooler for another.
“Would you like one?”
Robyn quickly drained hers, feeling as if she needed it, and nodded. “I sold everything I had in the UK. Got rid of everything and bought the Lodge. Life is so cheap here, I could easily stay until the day I die and still have a nice sum left.” She was staring in front of her again, continuing in a musing tone. “What better way of life is there when you really think about it? No stress. No pressure. Sun. The sea. No questions asked.”
Robyn wondered if that was a request, but ignored it anyway. “On the surface, maybe. But don’t you want something more…meaningful?”
Nicki sighed before fixing her gaze on Robyn again. “Not until now.” She swallowed hard. “Not until you came along.”
Heat crackled underneath Robyn’s skin. It was what she had wanted to hear. It didn’t change anything fundamentally—nor practically—but she was melting again. “I, uh,” she stuttered. “I mean, you make me feel like the person I’ve always wanted to be. I know we’ve only just met, but, I just, I don’t know…”
“You wonder if there could be something more between us than a few romps on the beach?” It sounded almost cruel when Nicki put it like that.
“Oh, I’m utterly convinced it’s already much more than that.” Robyn didn’t back down. She felt ready to fight, as if she had no choice, really.
“Look, Robyn.” Nicki turned her entire body towards her. “I can fully see why it would feel that way. I mean, look at our surroundings, and yes… we’ve shared things. You opened up and so did I, and that’s incredibly valuable to me—probably more so than
you’ll ever know—but we must be realistic.”
“Yeah… and what does your reality look like?” Robyn tried to steel herself, tried not to feel Nicki’s words cut through her like a knife. This.” She opened her arms wide to the sea. “This is my reality, and from where I’m sitting, it doesn’t look too bad.”
“So, if I understand correctly, when I leave, I will just have gone and you’ll forget about me.” Robyn’s stomach started to knot. She took a few long gulps from her bottle, all but draining it in one go.
“No. I won’t forget you. Gosh, how could I?” A mist covered Nicki’s eyes. “But you can’t possibly believe we have a future together.”