Billie Eilish sad stories

her last words

A/N sorry i haven't updated in ages i've been really bad mentally and i've started exams. anyway this song literally describes me.

⚠️TW⚠️suicide, self harm

y/n pov

just an average girl she always wore a smile
she was cheerful and happy for a short while

i ran up to my friend group at the start of the school day as usual and wrapped my arms around my best friend billie. i noticed everyone stopped talking as soon as i arrived, i dropped my arms and looked down at the floor while everyone chatted again.

now she's older things are getting colder
life's not what she thought
she wished someone had told her

it's been like this for a few months, whenever i walk towards them they stop talking and i see billie with a look of guilt in her eyes. i try not to overthink the situation but its obvious they're talking shit about me.

she told you she was down you let it slip by
so from then on she kept it on the inside

"hey billie?" i shifted my gaze to her eyes

"yea what's up?"

"um can i talk to you about something in private?" billie nodded and we walked towards my locker. "so.. i've been really depressed recently and i know i can talk to you about it since you've gone through it too.."

"y/n.. i'm sure you're fine, everyone has some bad days you're probably just having mood swings or something, it's normal" billie replied

she told herself she was alright but she was telling white lies
can't you tell? look at her dull eyes

"oh.. ok" i walked into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror you're fine you just want attention i thought to myself, my eyes fighting back tears. walking back outside into the corridor, i saw billie with our group laughing. then she stopped when she saw me and looked down straight away. billie and i are roommates, that's probably why i'm so close to her, she's the only reason i like living at this boarding school.

she tried to stop herself from crying almost every night
but she knew there was no chance of feeling alright

time skip

i lay in my bed crying with my hand over my mouth so billie and our friends couldn't hear next door. i sat up and picked up my necklace case, bringing it to the bathroom with me. i opened it carefully and picked up my blade, i rolled up my sleeve and guided the blade across my skin (idk if that makes sense) watching my blood fill the wound, i repeated that action multiple times until my left arm was almost covered in blood, its not enough i thought and lifted my shirt up a bit revealing my stomach, creating lines across it until i felt light-headed. i layed against the wall and closed my eyes slightly trying to gain enough energy to stand up and wash myself.

summer came by all she wore was long sleeves
cause those cuts on her wrists were bleeding through you see

it was summer. i'm basically screwed. we have swimming lessons again and i don't have a swimsuit. i have to borrow one of billie's and none of them are long-sleeved. i guess i just have to make excuses to get out of swimming every week.

she knew she was depressed
didn't want to admit it
didn't think she fit in, everyone seemed to miss it
she carried on like a soldier with a battle wound
bleeding out from ever cut her body consumed.

i've pretty much stopped talking about my feelings to anyone, i've stopped talking in general to be honest. i only talk to billie in our dorm and in class when i'm picked to answer a question.