Billie Eilish sad stories

a day in my life

a/n: yes this is based on my day today i thought it would be interesting.

⚠️TW⚠️ suicide thoughts/ mentions of self harm

y/n pov

i woke up to my mum yelling at me as usual, the day is already off to a bad start. it was 8:21am online class starts in 24 minutes i dont know why she has to wake me up so early. i slept in for another 10 minutes until she yelled at me again. i brushed my hair and did my usual routine, i changed into a billie eilish hoodie and sweatpants. checking whatsapp, i noticed im still blocked by them, i started to overthink

maybe im not good enough to be their friend anymore.

theyve obviously blocked me for a reason.

do they hate me?

have they found someone better than me?

all these thoughts i didnt need flooded through my head.

it was time for my first class and i quickly wiped my tears trying to look presentable to my teacher, i joined the call i was already late but i didnt give a fuck obviously my teacher didnt either. she did her usual boring stuff talking about valentines day, does she expect us to have a valentine? were all 12 and 13 years old. i wasnt listening anyway, i was scrolling through tiktok watching some videos and saving random ones i found funny to send to my friend ruby.

i really like ruby.

i just wish she likes me back.

she always texts me in the morning to make sure im alright although i never tell her the truth since she shouldnt have to worry about me. its now my second lesson, we had to make some poster about how to help someone if theyre unresponsive but breathing? i cant remember much of the day.

its now 4th period, english. i failed my assessment so thats fun. i didnt even finish it. we played kahoot for most of the lesson since it was our last day before half term. pretty boring i didnt win any rounds.

i skipped breakfast and lunch, my family always tell me how i eat too much so im trying to lose weight.

last lesson. science. i cant really remember much of this class but i passed out twice. fun.

school ended and i took a nap for a bit. i woke up to messages from ruby.

ruby:
why did you pass out twice?
dont make me worry
y/n
why?
please answer me im getting worried

me:
i dont know why i passed out i just did

ruby:
you okay?

me:
i just had a nap im fine now

ruby:
ok good

i bet she doesnt even care about you.

shes probably only your friend because she felt sorry for you.

i started to tear up as the thoughts i didnt want arrived again.

i dont get my mum sometimes. one moment she tells me to eat more, the next she tells me to eat less. she tells me i shouldnt have been born but stops me when i try to commit suicide.

i drew on my arms with red pen so i wouldnt self harm, im only 4 days clean but im still attempting to try.

i skipped dinner. the only thing my body is running on is the water i had during the day. i still feel disgusting. i look in my mirror and cry. i just want to look like the models on the covers of magazines. i pointed out all my imperfections to myself hoping they would magically disappear.

ive had no motivation recently, i havent cleaned my room in weeks. i still havent cleaned it but i decided to start learning my ukulele. it didnt last long. only about 10 minutes, i got bored and played some minecraft instead.

i went to the bathroom and came back to see my mum in my room looking for something.

"wheres your school books?"

why does she need them?

i noticed her moving her hand towards the bottom drawer of my desk which has all my suicide notes.

"theyre in that bag"

i pointed to the one in the corner of my room, she took it and left. i checked the drawer and made sure they were all still in there.

why dont you just do it?

that thought was in my head for an hour.

i relapsed.

so here i am. writing this story. bleeding on my bathroom floor.