Simple and stupid things from a stupid and simple person

speaking ill of the dead

speaking i'll of the dead is often frowned upon,
but what happens when the dead only ever spoke ill of you?
what are you supposed to say when someone ask why you are the way you are?
how do you tell someone all the awful things she did to you, without speaking ill of her?
how are you supposed to suddenly forgive everything she did because she's dead?
how are you supposed to explain that even though she is dead, she was the one who showed you how awful the people who are supposed to love you can be?
how am i supposed to tell her everything i never got to say to her when she was alive without speaking ill of her?
how am i to tell someone how amazing of a woman she was when she was the monster in my nightmares?
how am i supposed to speak kindly of the dead when all i can hear in my dreams is her speaking ill of me?