Handwritten ✓

08 | chatter

JAKE TANNER'S BIGGEST SECRET WAS that I was rather insecure.

Not enough to make me doubt everything people said to me, but enough to make Kay's football afterparty less fun than usual. The party was raging by the time Kay, Jamie, and I stepped out of his rusted pick-up — a family heirloom at this point. The three of us made a beeline straight for the alcohol, and by the time we were nicely buzzed, the anxiety set in.

As far as the nerds went, only Avalon and Nova showed up to this party. It was rare that Sophie attended parties, mostly because she hated having to babysit us if we ever exceeded our limits, and the same went for her friends. But this was an exception since we had some hater-hunting to do.

It was painful work, however.

I mingled with all the different groups of people at Kay's house. I made all my usual, dumb, brash jokes and checked if anyone's lips twisted with disapproval. I talked about the hottest chicks at the party and kept a close eye on people's responses. At first, I didn't seem to be catching leads, and then my mind shifted.

Suddenly I swore that a girl across the room narrowed her eyes angrily at me. My ears perked up at the mention of my name in the middle of a derisive-sounding sentence. The hairs on my nape tingled as if someone was staring daggers at me, but each time I investigated those things further, nothing of substance turned up. I hated feeling so disliked, paranoid and uncertain.

It was like the room was turning against me, smothering with four walls and furniture. To escape the crowded living room, I raced to the kitchen and braced my arms on the sides of the sink. Perhaps this was a result of me drinking too much. Perhaps I just needed a good vomit.

A soothing, familiar voice broke through the dark suspicions swarming my brain. "What's up?"

I glanced up, meeting Avalon Taylor's composed, slightly concerned gaze, her eyes wide and startling blue. Looking at them felt like diving into a pristine, cool lagoon, and I felt the room slowly stop spinning, clicking into a standstill beneath my feet. She made everything feel solid, stable, and right.

"I'm feeling weird," I admitted. "Like, it's a bit hard to breathe. And I feel really hot." Even though it was a cool night, heading into mid-fall.

Avalon retrieved a new solo cup from the pack on the counter and filled it with water. "Well, here. Take a break. Drink some water." She pressed the cup into my hands and waited patiently for me to sip the whole thing. Minutes later, she asked, "How are you feeling?"

"Better," I answered honestly. I was feeling much more focused, and less afraid of everyone's hidden opinion. Still, the prospect of worming back into the crowd of people in the living and dining rooms soured my mouth. What I really wanted was...

"You want to find a room?"

"Uh..." Avalon chuckled incredulously, a finger slowly circling the rim of her cup of beer. "Is this you hitting on me, Tanner?"

"If I say yes, would you come?"

"No," she scoffed.

"Then no," I decided coyly. Whether we went upstairs as friends or as something more, I knew I just wanted a break from all the uncertainty. I wanted Avalon, in whatever way she'd have me. "I'm certainly not hitting on you. I wouldn't dream of it. Now, bedroom?"

She shook her head at my shameless plea, sighing dramatically. "Why not? You're looking about to pass out anyway. I'd better make sure you get to a bed safely."

I led the way to Kay's bedroom, sending him a text to let him know I was in there and not to worry that I'd disappeared. I plopped onto his bed as soon as the door shut, feeling completely at ease. I'd been here enough times that it was like a second home.