bear in mind i whacked my head against my desk and now am bleeding when i began writing this.
Tommy is adopted by Phil and hid gaggling gargoyles - technoblade and wilbur.
"PHIL!" Phil heard through the house. Couldn't he have two minutes rest? Why were his children so chaotic? "PHIL THIS IS IMPORTANT!" It was Techno. Jesus Christ, it would be important then. Phil made his way to the kitchen, where Techno, Wilbur and Tommy were all sat - Wilbur with a brunch bar, Techno with a braid through his hair as he ate an apple and Tommy eating a bacon sandwich that Techno was eyeing with disdain. "What's up?"
"Have you checked Twitter?" "No, I have not."
The three glanced at each other in a clear argument. "Tommy can't do it, he is a child." Wilbur hissed. "I disagree with the last part!" Tommy said. "Okay, vouch. And I can't do it, because I do not want to." Techno explained, the tone of a diplomat but words of a tyrant- no. A politician. Wilbur sighed. "WAIT NO THATS A SHITE EXCUSE!" "CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?" "Oh, yeah. Techno will." "No I won't! Wilbur will!" "God knows I won't!" "GOD KNOWS NOTHING THEN!"
Wilbur ended up being bullied into telling him. "Uh, so, Twitter user 'callmekacey' announced on Twitter that if she reached 10k likes she'd out a photo. Of us." "In our home!" Tommy piped up. "Uh, and .... she got them. And- maybe you should look."
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After clicking on a link, Phil realised that it was a picture of them literally baking in their kitchen. Techno had been in his room, streaming - thank god. The messages were varied in replies. Someone had said 'this is an invasion of privacy wtf' and someone else had said 'doing gods work lol'.
NO FUCKING SHIT. Yeah it kinda was an invasion of their fucking privacy. Phil was seething.
"Fuckers."
"Right, so they know where we live, motherfuckers, but they don't know Techno's here with us right?" Wilbur summarised. "Yeah." "What do you want to do?" Phil asked tiredly. "Murder!" "You always want to do that Techno, that isn't new." "Murder her specifically!" "Maybe nicely ask if she can take it down?" "Or we could destroy her trust basis, or we can say that we're visiting- I mean, we live in the UK canonically- fuck, I mean to the stream viewer's knowledge." Tommy suggested a good idea that wasn't violence or admitting they lived together.
"CANONICALLY!" Wilbur cackled. "Fuck off, Wilbur!" "No." The heart was implied. "Fuck off canonically or-" Techno teased. "You fuck off too, Technoblade." "No." "Okay fair enough."
i look hella sick rn just wanted to put that out there B)
The four skitted around the topic for the rest of the day, a game of mini golf and climbing trees preferred. Tommy's incessant talking kept them all tuned in, however, even after the blonde literally fell out a tree, JESUS Phil could just not catch a break.
this semi time warp brought to you by me dancing around my room before my next lesson begins.
The four had played Minecraft until lunch, after which Tommy had been whisked to the Potato Farm- no. The Potato Dome. Techno had given him a rundown on how it was efficient and had laughed at SquidKid's oversights. Just kidding, he was actually oddly polite about his ex-rival, going so far as to call him one of the better enemies of his and only calling him an idiot 5 times.
The Potato Farm was an excellent demonstration in S-L-A-very, according to Tommy, and in Technoblade's immortal words, "a lesbian once called me-" no wrong one. "Blood for the blood god?" still not right. "If Hypixel has taught me one thing, it's that if you have a problem, the answer is slavery." There you go.
The two scammed Wilbur out of his armour. Tommy had kept it, since Techno wasn't getting banned as #1 potato farmer. Then Wilbur attempted to manhandle Tommy into giving up the items he'd scammed.
"FUCK OFF!" "Nah." Wilbur smirked, insufferable fucking bitch, and flicked his hair. "Motherfucker-" "Nah." "FUCKER!" "Nah."
After the battle of the nah's with Tommy slowly getting more creative leading up to you reheatable motherfucker with a use-by date of yesterday and you sound of fucking chalk if it was fucked up and fucking punchable with a few threats peppered in, Wilbur didn't end up getting his armour back after Techno ran in heroically.
"NO WE SCAMMED THAT FAIR AND SQUARE!" "Ugh, fine. Keep it, goddamn it." You don't win against Technoblade, he accepts that he's wrong or you lose.
It wasn't fixed by any means - but it sure was better. They didn't acknowledge the photo on Twitter and it all blew over.
