A Weekend Ruse (Older!AU)

Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ③

When he wakes up at noon, Mabel's hair tickling his nose, his stomach flutters. And when he remembers that he's now in a plot from a bad romantic movie because of her, it churns.

Didn't the characters in this particular setup always fall for each other for real? But that's not the end game for him and Mabel. Obviously there won't be a grand confession of love in a public place, and they wouldn't kiss as a happy song plays in the background.

He's a hundred percent certain on that.

This is, however, a silly ruse that'll keep his roommate and said roommate's girlfriend from... What, setting him up on dates? This is dumb. He shouldn't have to fake date his sister for them to back off.

Couldn't Jean and Ann understand that when he says he's okay, he really is okay with staying in for the weekend? Understand that he's fine without dating someone. He's young. There's no rush to find the future Mrs. Pines.

And if they were really so concerned about him feeling lonely, couldn't the three of them just hang out? Or even better, Jean diffuse himself from Ann's hip for a few hours so he and Dipper can hang like before?

If anything, that's the solution to the Dipper's lonely debacle. But they just didn't seem to get it. "You definitely need a girl in your life"

Ann's voice flitters through his head, and he frowns.
Ugh, Ann.

He shakes his head. Things will definitely be easier after this weekend, without Ann butting into his social life (or lack there of).

Mabel stirs, mumbling something indiscernible in her sleep before snuggling deeper into his chest. He smiles.
...

"That Ann girl is British, right? Maybe I should be British too?"

"Mabel, no."

But she's already practicing her accent. "Chip chip, cherio, old gov'nah!"

"Mabel, I'm pretty sure no one actually talks like that."
"Very fetch snogging we got here with me fish and chips."
"I don't think you know what snogging means" he sighs. "And don't say fetch. It's not a thing."

"It could be," she retorts, dropping the awful accent.
"But it's not."

She shrugs and winks, picking back up her accent.
"Aye, old bean. Then who put the crumpets in me linens."

What?

"Mabel, just talk normal, please. You've already talked to Jean earlier today, remember? It would be suspicious if you were suddenly English."

"Oh yeah."

"Just... just forget about Ann being from England. It's irrelevant. Besides, the simpler we make this, the better. No needless lying. No accents. Our ages don't change, our hobbies don't change... You see where I'm going with this?"

She nods.

"But, what about my last name? Wouldn't it be weird if we have the same name?"
"Well, yeah, but why would last names come up? But, whatever, you can make up a new last name. No, you'll just keep changing it. Use mom's maiden name. And if you mess up, just play it off like you got caught up in a daydream about marriage or something."

Her face pales at the word marriage, and he frowns.
Was marrying him such a horrible idea? Not that that would ever happen, they are siblings after all. Is it even legal to marry your sister? Probably not. Maybe in the south, though?

Doesn't matter. Stop thinking about that, and go back to planning this dumb mess out.

"What about the story of how we met?" she asks, quickly recovering from whatever it was she needed to recover from. "Or how we got together?"