Mediocrity 50% [Brallon: Deja Vu, Book 1]

10

Spencer's hands were clammy, fisting into his jeans. He was deep in thought. God, they all needed to talk so badly. Even Taylor, with her constantly free flying mind, even Otto, who never had drama, even Tyler who wanted to ignore everything, could tell that something was cracking, and it wasn't just between Brendon and Dallon. They all had their own issues to bring to the table.

The only issue was... if Spencer brought it all up, he would get angry. And probably break down crying, and he hated crying in front of his friends. Ironic for someone who always wanted the rest of them to be able to get out their emotions. He wasn't even the therapist friend, for god's sake! He was just there, a bridge of sorts. That was it.

Dallon was doing terribly, but at least he'd forced himself into going to work, forced himself to actually function like a human being again, purely out of spite for himself. He kept turning down telling Ry about anything, other than the bare details. Side effects from not wanting to traumatize his friends further with his shit mental health. They shouldn't have to worry about him, Dallon was supposed to be able to take care of himself.

Brendon was doing fine, actually. He was blissfully ignorant. Of course, he'd noticed and overthought Dallon's distance and avoidance of his gaze, but chalked it up to Brendon making everything awkward because he'd even brought up the possibility of dating. Endearingly obtuse.

Pete and Patrick had their own shit they were dealing with. It wasn't pretty. Of course, they could all tell that Pete was madly in love with Patrick, but confrontation was coming, and it wouldn't be good.

There had been a shift with Tyler and Josh too. Taylor was stressed, Otto talked less than he normally did, Geoff wasn't as touchy feely as he used to be. Ry was stretched thin worrying about Dallon, which only proceeded to make Dallon feel worse. Ryan was just sitting there watching the world burn. He didn't know what to say to make any of it better, he didn't even know if it was his place. Or, at least, that was Spencer's analysis of everything. He could be wrong, but he usually wasn't.

It was subtle, but it was there. Of course Spencer was the only one that noticed everything that was going on with everyone without them even telling him. He pretended like he wasn't jaded by that, and did a good job of it. It stung, not being trusted.

He was sitting there, quieter than usual as his friends chattered around him in pairs, because that was what felt most comfortable right now. There were noticeable differences, however. Jon and Taylor, Otto and Geoff, Tyler and Josh, Ryan Squared. The usual suspects there still seemed to be fine, but Brendon, Dallon, Patrick, and Pete had all split up. And, of course, Spencer was the odd man out. The old maid in a deck of cards.

"Hey, Spencer." Geoff said mildly. Spencer looked up from where he had been worrying denim between his thumb and index finger anxiously. He hummed in acknowledgement. "Are you doing okay?"

Spencer paused for a second. Huh, they'd actually noticed. He hadn't faded to the background yet. He could say something. It might not end well, but it could make everything better. He was at a loss for words. It was always better to address things, right? As long as he held his tongue about things that weren't his place to say, he would be fine.

"Actually..." he began, willing any shaking out of his voice. Just treat it like any other conversation. They were his friends, he could be vulnerable. He didn't have to be funny, or cheerful all the time. It didn't matter; they were all supposed to support him anyways. "No. I'm not."

Dallon looked over, visible concern ghosting over him. Spencer almost wanted to take it back. He had no issue with Dallon. He was upset for him. Brendon hadn't exactly done anything wrong, other than being oblivious and making quite the huge misstep, but Spencer still felt for Dallon. He'd known him so long, and there was an innate protectiveness in that. Ry was the exact same way, but Spencer presumed Ry didn't know that Brendon hadn't known about Dallon's feelings.