Let Me Be Your Superhero

Chapter 9

It's been 2 and a half weeks and I still haven't gone to school. My mom is clearly starting to be annoyed by my presence. She's also worried about me and has been pestering me to go back to school. I'm not ready to.

I haven't cut for the past week. I realized that he really isn't worth it anymore, and I shouldn't let this asshole have that much power over me. I'm really proud of myself. But all of that could change when I see him. It honestly probably will. I'll see him and everything I ever liked about him will come flooding back and I'm not sure what I'll do. So I'm really staying home for my own safety. Safety first right? Fuck.

I'm sitting on the couch staring at the blank TV screen. I've been doing this for 20 minutes. I really don't have anything else to do. I've done all of my work and am waiting for Alexis to come and pick it up. My mom starts walking down the stairs and a feeling inside of me tells me that this is it. She's going to send me to school.

"Lex?"

"Yes mother?"

"I think you've had enough time at home."

I knew it.

"No, I really think I haven't."

"Well basically I'm giving you 2 choices. You either suck it up and go to school tomorrow, or I send you to an institution. Your father and I are worried sick and unless you can prove to us we have nothing to worry about we have no other choice."

"If you don't want me here anymore just tell me."

"That's not the point Lexi, you've missed way too much school for reasons that you haven't even shared with us."

"I have my reasons."

"You're going to school tomorrow."

"Fuckoff."

She walked back upstairs without another word.

WELL FUCK. I'm definitely not prepared for this.

Last week I finally checked my phone. The fucker had sent me 126 texts, all saying the same things. He loves me, he wasn't joking, he wants to talk to me and make me believe him. The fucking nerve. I didn't reply, and based on the vibrations I'd been hearing all week, he hadn't stopped sending them. Holy shit I'm going to see him tomorrow. The familiar sharp pain raises in my chest as I choke back the tears that threaten to emerge.

I definitely had not played through his song in my head. I definitely hadn't read through all the letters LH had sent me again, not LC. I definitely didn't almost burn them because they've been tainted by him jokingly taking credit for them. I definitely don't wish that he's telling the truth. And I most certainly do not have hope that the song is about me, and that he actually wrote the letters, and that he actually likes me back. I mean, that he likes me. Not likes me back. I no longer like him. No way.

***

I'm on the bus. I made it out the door and onto the bus. My panic attacks are insane at the moment. I close my eyes and start to breathe deeply. Hopefully anyone that wants to talk to me will take the cue that I'm not in the mood.

The bus stops and I look down as I get off with what feels like half of the school packed into the one bus. I walk straight to my locker, still looking down, and try and remember my combination. I get it on the third try and whip open my locker.

A waterfall of folder papers spill out of my locker and onto me and all over the floor. Everyone is now staring at me and the mess that has been made. This is just fucking wonderful. I slowly crouch down and begin gathering all of the notes and shoving them onto the top shelf of my locker. Wait, I want to read them. I pull out a plastic bag conveniently buried in the pile of shit in my locker and put all the letters in there. I then rushed to the bathroom and locked myself in the bathroom stall. I pulled out the only non-lined piece of paper and opened it up. It was a photocopied drivers license. With the name Luke Hemmings on it.