Hopelessly Obsessed (KomaHina)

15: Hallway

Nagito's POV:

Hinata-kun and Nanami-san stayed for a couple of hours after that, but they still seemed a little worried. And I couldn't figure out why until after they left. Because somehow, I've managed to avoid telling them about my OCD again, they still have no idea what's going on with me. I guess that uncertainty scares them.

Sitting in my living room, I haven't moved even though it's getting later. It's been a while since they left, and my OCD has been silent. I'm cautiously looking around the room, wondering why my brain is silent. It's dark outside now, and even though a light is on, usually my OCD is worse at night. This is nice, actually. Is this what's it's like to have a brain that's healthy?

Touch every wall, roof, and floor in this room with both of your hands three times or Hinata-kun and Nanami-san will get hit by a car tomorrow.

"So much for that," I think to myself. Sighing, I bend down and tap the floor three times with each hand. Then I walk over to each wall and tap them three times with each hand as well. Then we have the roof. That's kind of a problem. I can't reach it from the floor, and I can't reach it even if I stand on the couch either. However, if I jump on the couch, there's a chance I could reach it.

Carefully stepping up on to my couch, my legs shake as I look up. My footing isn't stable, and with how unlucky I can be, there's a chance I'll fall.

They're going to die if you do nothing.

A part of me knows nothing will happen, but it's just not a risk I can take. Gnawing on my lip, I jump up a little and reach upwards. I missed it. I really am going to have to properly jump. Taking a deep breathe, I leap into the air, and feel my left hand touch the roof with a light thud. I nearly lose my balance when I land, but I know what I'm doing now.

The next few jumps go the same way, carefully leaping upwards with a shaky landing. But on the last jump on my right hand, my foot comes down too close to the edge, I completely lose my footing and crash onto the floor, hitting my head on the side of the couch in the process.

The sudden fall genuinely frightens me, even making me remember a few things I'd rather forget. I lay in a heap on the floor, heart racing, breathing raggedly. My whole body hurts, it was a pretty hard hit. Even though no-one saw that happen, my cheeks heat up with embarrassment. This is so ridiculous, I just hurt myself for no reason. There was no way anything was going to happen to my friends if I didn't do that.

You deserve to be hurt.

"I know..." I hear myself whisper instinctively, my hushed voice swallowed by the emptiness of the house. I used to get told things like that all the times, that everything was my fault and I deserve to be hurt. And of course those people were entirely correct, but it still hurts to be reminded of that constantly. But then again, since I deserve to be hurt, I shouldn't complain.

Even after spending a day asleep on the floor, I'm exhausted again. Sighing to myself, I decide to begin the routine of checking everything (locks, burners, sinks, etc) before collapsing onto my bed and falling back into sleep.

(Time skip to the next morning, still Nagito's POV.)

The alarm goes off at the same time, and the same routine starts again. This time, I really want to get to school, so I try to be really quick, so if anything goes wrong, I have enough time to deal with it.

The first thing that takes a lot of time is the stairs, it seemed like no matter how many times I went back up and down, it was never enough. And as soon as it was, that number ended in a four, so I had to do it again, but that time didn't feel right, so I had to do it again.