Stockholm Syndrome (Narry Boyxboy)

{28}

Niall

Day 68

Of course I feel bad. I feel awful! Harry is such a sweet guy, he means well, he just has this huge heart... But... He kidnapped me. He raped me. He locked me away in a basement for months. He... He's played with my emotions and I can't believe it's taken him this long to finally man up and make a move.

Why me?

Why me, you know?

Why does it have to be like this? Why can't it be simple? Why did he have to kidnap me in order to have me? Doesn't he know if he would have asked me on a date like a NORMAL person I would have said yes?

What's confusing me is my feelings. I like Harry. I've got some major feelings for him and I can't seem to shake them. I had the best night of my life, I enjoyed every second with Harry. I enjoyed feeling his skin beneath my hands, I enjoyed him touching me and kissing me. He's so gentle and dominant at the same time. It's an odd mixture that he pulls off. His hair is so soft, it's not rough like it looks. His lips are so plump and soft and wet... They do wanders.

He's decided to keep all the doors unlocked. Actually, right now, the basement door is wide open. He probably just feels guilty for keeping me trapped here so long.

I was surprised he let me sleep in his bed with him after we had sex. Harry never fails to surprise me. And he kept his promise, he let me go outside.

So much has happened I don't even know where to start to be honest.

He made me breakfast ... Heart shaped pancakes... And he won't stop telling me how much he loves me.

I get it.

He loves me.

But it doesn't make me love him. I just don't love him. I can't find myself risking my life for him or ... Doing anything for him. I have feelings for him, but I don't love him.

I know he means well. I know he's trying. But honestly I wish he would stop trying. It's only making things worse. When he tries... I just get more heart broken because I know it won't work out. I know I'm going to get out of here and I know I'm going to turn him in. And the fact that he's trying so hard for me to love him and to forgive him so he won't do jail time... It's just making things worse.

I feel like he's using me. If I was to love him he would take advantage of that and use it against me.

"Since you love me, you won't turn me in"

I can picture the conversation now. And it doesn't end well. Nothing ends well. What I thought was a great night, a great new start for me and Harry, turned out to be a heartbreaking mistake the next morning.

I don't know why... But I can't seem to...

I can't even finish that sentence. I've lost my train of thought.

I'm so confused.

So fucking confused.

I don't want to be here but when I'm with Harry.... God... I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else.

Shit.

I'm in love with him.