The Signing

Study Dates

        I woke up the next morning to my radio and immediately shut it off. I picked up my songbook and pen from my nightstand and scribbled down the words that popped into my brain.

        Though the words you've thrown at me

        Have left me feeling drained,

        As someone who has felt numb before

        I'd rather feel the pain

        I knew that no one would ever read the things I had written, but it helped to alleviate what I was feeling anyway. Although I called my journal a songbook, I couldn't think of a melody for the majority of what I had written. I also couldn't sing very well. I mean, I could stay on key, but I just didn't really have a nice singing voice.

        I sat up in my bed and realized how tired I really was. I probably hadn't gotten enough sleep last night, but I was forced to face the day anyway. I glanced down to my wrists to see that scabs were forming over the cuts. I sighed and swung my legs over the side of the bed before finally standing up.

        I walked over to my closet to pick out my outifit for today. The weather was supposed to be nice, somewhere in the mid-70's, but I picked out a Coca-Cola long-sleeved t-shirt to cover my wounds. I also grabbed some black leggings and my black floral combat boots. My boots were getting pretty worn out, but they were my absolute favorite pair of shoes, so I wore them anyway.

        I took a warm shower that would've been more relaxing had my wrist not been burning throughout it. Once I was out of the shower, I put on my clothes and headed downstairs to a more-quiet-than-usual kitchen.

        "Good morning," Katrina said, not looking up from the newspaper, yet still knowing I was in the room.

        "Morning. Where's dad?" I asked.

        "Oh, he had to go to work early today."

        "Oh," I responded. I didn't mind that he was gone, since that relieved my worries about having to face him about the cutting first thing in the morning, but at the same time, I wasn't too fond of just being with Katria, either. I made myself some cereal and coffee in silence and sat down at the table. As I ate, I stared into space and thought about how I felt towards Katrina about not letting me meet my idols unless I ace my math class. Katrina must have noticed me deep in thought.

        "What are you thinking about?" She questioned.

        "Nothing," I replied. "I was just staring off into space." I never really shared much of what I was really thinking with Katrina or my dad. I knew that they didn't really care. If I shared something that was really bothering me with them, they would always give me the typical, cookie cutter, make-it-look-like-we're-good-parents answer. They always urged me to share what was going on, but they never helped or made me feel better, so I eventually gave up.

        "Alright, I'm going up," Katrina told me, letting me know tht she was going upstairs to get in the shower. "We'll talk to your dad about what has been going on when he gets home later tonight." I nodded in response, not wanting to add anything more to that conversation and definitely not wanting to coming home after school.

        I finished getting ready for school and headed to the car with Katrina. The ride was uneventful, the music playing softly in the background and no conversation between Katrina and I. I said goodbye to Katrina and headed off to school. An idea had popped in my mind while walking and I knew I should follow through with it. I hurriedly walked over to a group of nerdy guys clustered in front of the science building and tapped on the arm of one of the boys who was in my math class.