My Story.

Stupid girl

I'm not the best with words, but lately I've been so sick it hurts to move, but I get comfortable by moving so I'm contradicting myself as I try to sleep. I move and hurt so how the hell am I going to sleep?
'Insomnia' they told me it's just me overthinking, how can I not over think when I can only think about how much I hate myself. I'm pathetic, fat, ugly and just straight up covered every inch in scars. Over 3,000 scars all across my body from the razors and lighters. When I feel numb I pick up a blade and slash myself open to be able to at least feel something. I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. I suffer everyday, but no one seems to get me and my ways.
"I found your razor stash."
"No you found a stash of razors I'm not that stupid I can hide my things better than you think. I let you find the dull ones."
I could see it in my grandparents eyes they think I'm insane. Chris doesn't think I'm insane he loves me, and I love him so much more. We don't see each other much and it gets me down, he is my best friend. What am I supposed to do without him?!
When he doesn't text me I have panic attacks, when I have panic attacks my grandma has to hospitalize me and she acts so pissy afterwards and it's not fair I can't help it I freak out im sick as fuck and she's mad at me?!
Tbc