dear diary, is this trauma?

six

Dear diary,
                    This was the year before I went to high school.

I had been diagnosed with autism a few months earlier, maybe almost a year.

The years before my diagnosis, i would wear very colourful clothing, like full rainbows without knowing the meaning.
Just so happens that the next visit to my grandparents after my diagnosis, i had started pretty much wearing all, atleast dark clothing, maybe not fully black.

Ofcourse this was mentioned by them on multiple occasions of me being with them for a little less than a week.

This alone wasn't bad, but i do have a vivid memory of them almost hitting a goth teen who was crossing the street about three years before this. They were insulting him as i just looked out the back window with an awestruck face.

My parents would wear black and other dark colours, listening to bands like MCR or old rock, but I had never seen someone so cool. Their pale skin standing out from their harsh, choppy, black clothes, a large mohawk on their head and dark makeup. He was cool.

From then i had happened to like the darker clothes more, this stranger being my Idol before i would actually listen to decent music.

The integration of dark fashion was slow at first, but by the final year, i would wear all black. Still another year before i dyed my hair, and two before i cut it short, but i was certainly "turning" then.

We went shopping one day, i was wearing a black summer dress with a purple galaxy cross on it. From strangers I didn't even notice a second glance. But by my own grandparents, i could sence they wanted to change me.

I don't think this is traumatic on its own, but next entry will be a continuation of this week with them.