dear diary, is this trauma?

seven

Dear diary,
Like i mentioned in the last entry, this is from the same visit.

Medication.

Specifically melatonin.

I needed to take it because i was having sleeping problems, especially around the times clocks change. Even to this day i do.

However, have you ever been a pre-teen who was being denied their medical treatment because the old people in their family didn't approve.

They kept my medication on a high-ish window shelf in the kitchen. My bedroom was at the other side of the house. They would stay up for another hour or so after my 'bed time' where i would just sit, laying in my bed, looking up at the roof since i couldn't sleep. I'd have to wait for them to go to bed, wait for them to fall asleep before i could sneak into the kitchen to get a pill from the kitchen?

After one day of that, i took the sheet in my pocket when i was getting my other pills(vitamins) in the morning. I kept it in my room and had to learn to swallow dry.

Physically having to hide that i was taking my own medicine wasn't the bad part here.

It was that my grandmother took me to the garden centre, somewhere we had been many times and i loved being. We met up with her friend and they were having scones, I'd decided to have cake as i didn't want a scone.

The friend was someone i barely knew, yet she was ridiculing me along with my grandmother for having to take a pill to sleep at night?

They were talking as if I weren't even their.

That was when i subconsciously became mute. I couldn't interrupt so why should I speak at all?

It's selective mutism, I can be really loud sometimes, but even though it's been close to a decade, I still prefer being mute.

So tell me, is this trauma?