This Is England » Freddie Highmore

92.

DAYS HAVE gone by, and the only thing that I can see is Freddie becoming more anxious by the minute. He now remains outside the majority of the day, smoking cigarette after cigarette; staring at nothing but the concrete wall before him.

"He's gone mad," Bertie spoke as I watched my boyfriend out on the patio during his sixth day remaining as odd as ever. "Mum's losing herself. I can barely even feed her anymore."

"You don't think she's...?" I ask, my eyes remaining on Freddie.

Bertie shrugs. "As much as I hate to admit it, Am, she might be dyin'. Freddie loves Mum, and I think he knows she's going to pass any day, now."

I place my hand on my belly, rubbing it to ease the nausea. "I hope Freddie snaps out of it." I sigh. "I really do."

..

What's odd about being pregnant is the cramps. They feel like I'm getting my period, but they feel much longer and more painful. I've been laying in bed all morning, waiting for Freddie to come into the room to check in on me. About five hours later, he does so, but only for a moment do I see him be his normal self.

"How's the little one?" Freddie asks. He kisses my forehead and rubs my stomach with his hand.

"The baby is fine." I state simply. "Did you talk to Luke?" I finally ask.

Freddie nods. "I did." he says. "he's working it out with Calum and the others."

I nod. "Hey, babe?" I reply.

"Yes, love?" he asks, sitting at the edge of the bed.

"Are you okay?" I know Freddie hated to answer this question, but I had to know the truth. I needed him to talk to me. Especially if we're going to be raising this child together.

Staring at the door of the guest room, Freddie closes his eyes, breathes out, and tightens his fists that were clenched.

"No," he finally managed to say. "I'm not okay. I'm fucking scared, and I don't know what to do about it."

..

"Why are you scared?" I asked the man adjacent to me. I knew why he was scared, like I said before: I needed him to talk to me.

Freddie stays silent, saying nothing. Finally, while licking his lips, he starts to speak. "I'm scared because my mum is going to die, I'm scared because of what's going to 'appen to the baby if I follow through with the war going on between the Convicts and LFOUR. What if I don't make it? What then?"

"Freddie," I begin, placing a gentle hand on his broad shoulder. "you're strong. Stronger than anyone I've ever known. I think this war will teach those goons a lesson to not mess with you. This country, even though I've only been in it for a year, is yours. The streets belong to you, and I think it's about time you take back what's yours.
"As for your mom: I know seeing her dying isn't the best part about your day. If she passes - - which I'm hoping it's later - - I'll be there with you every step of the way. I'll hold you if you need it, I'll take care of things if you need me to."

Freddie looks at me, then, and as he did, he cups my face with his hands and brings his lips upon my own. This kiss was nothing like the other times we've kissed: This kiss was something sweet, something promising. A mix of the in-between.

I kiss him back, this time wrapping my arms around his neck. Our lips move in sync as our tongues greet each other in a romantic hue of affection. I loved this man, and no matter what, my heart was going to continue to beat for him. Freddie was my everything.

He pulls away from me, removing a strand of hair back behind my ear. "Thank you." he says softly. "I love you so much, Amelia, and I'm glad you're in my life. I probably wouldn't be processing what's going on in me life without you. If it weren't for you being here, I'd probably be doing what I usually do: Drink, party, get high. Have sex with women I never even knew."

His eyes scan at my lips again.
"It shocks me because you've changed me."

"Is that a good thing?" I manage to ask him. "I didn't want to change you. To be honest, Freddie, I thought you'd stay the same."

Hovering over me now, as we are now sprawled out on our bed, Freddie looks into my eyes. They appear serious, almost as if he's deep into the conversation. "It is a good thing. I hope I can be the man you need."

He places himself on top of me, and with a swift movement, he captures my mouth with his once again. He kisses me softly, gently, then makes his way to my neck; nibbling on it as I let out a moan.

"Let me make love to you." he says.

I then help him take off my shirt, revealing the plain black bra covering my breasts. I stare at him then, and let our lips meet once more; before crashing into a wave of passion.

I sink in, and let everything go.

...