This Is England » Freddie Highmore

76.

I TOOK it upon myself to go ahead and tend to my mother's needs. After Amelia and I had our spat, I went over to my mother's room to see if she needed anything. However, by the time I had opened her door accompanied by a soft knock to its wooden entrance, I saw my mother fast asleep in her bed -- appearing frail while her breathing struggled to remain clear and smooth. I sighed sadly, wishing my mother would get better.

I decided to let her sleep, spoke a silent prayer to the Man Above and went downstairs to see Bertie reading one of my favorite books, The Catcher in the Rye.

"You okay?" Bertie asked, lifting his head up from the page he was on.

"Not really," I replied. I plopped myself down on the couch. "I'm kind of tired and Amelia's being a moody bitch."

"Ah, love." Bertie replied back playfully. "It has its virtues and its demons." He chuckled to himself, but I didn't find it at all amusing. If only he knew half of the shit Amelia and I had gone through, he would agree.

I stared at him blankly, then start talking. "Where's Dad?"

Bertie took a moment to reply. "Out at the pub," he said. "you know how he is."

Yeah, don't I know it. I thought to myself. "Yeah," I reply. "I know."

"So why is Amelia in a bad mood?" Bertie asks. "Is she on her period?"

I shake my head. "No." I reply. "She... She thinks she might be pregnant."

"You got her pregnant?!" Bertie exclaimed. "Dude, props to you."

I rolled my eyes. "No, I didn't get her pregnant." I replied. "We kind of split for awhile, and apparently she had sex with someone else. She thinks the bloke didn't wear protection."

"Are you guys together now?" He asked. "It seems like you are. And if she is pregnant, you might want to be the man who supports her."

For once, Bertie was right. If the guy that Amelia messed around with didn't turn up, the least I could do was be her support system. Although I wasn't sure if I was ready to be a father. Being a father would mean no drinking, smoking, or possibly have an ongoing love affair with another woman. Was I ready for that?

"You're right," I replied. "I'll go tell her that." I get up from the couch and walk back upstairs to meet Amelia.

..

Amelia is curled up in a ball when I open the door to the guest room. She sits up abruptly, and gives me a death glare.

"I could have been changing, you know," she snaps, rolling her eyes. "I would really appreciate it if you knocked next time."

"It's nothing I haven't seen before, Am." I reply, shutting the door behind me. "Listen, I --" I scratch the back of my head nervously, looking at her with a small smile. "-- I'm sorry for how I reacted earlier. I just wanted you to know that I was only worried, and if you are pregnant I wanted to help. I hope you can forgive me." I huff out some air. Saying sorry hasn't always been easy; especially now that I'm in the house I grew up in.

Amelia sighed. "I've forgiven you on a lot of things," she says. "what will one more thing do?" She gives me a smile, that very smile I adored so much. If only we were back to what we were -- a couple. "Thank you for being concerned, I appreciate it."

I sit at the edge of the bed, and gently take her hand in mine. Intertwining our fingers together, I look at her as she does the same. I swear, the minute her hazel-green eyes melt into my own, I could feel time freeze again. This time, though, I won't miss the opportunity in what I'm about to say. Sure, we may not be what I want it to be, but in time, I hope that this statement I'm about to make will change everything.

"I want you to know that whatever you decide," I begin, my heart rate accelerating. "whether if you want to take a test now or when we return to Highgate, or whether you are pregnant and want to keep the baby or put it up for adoption," I felt my hands begin to grow sweaty. I take a deep breath, then continue my rambling statement. "I want you to know that I will be there for you. Whenever and wherever you need me."

Amelia continued to grin. She leans into my shoulder. "Thanks, Freddie."

I nuzzle the side of my face on the top of her head. I want to linger in this sweet abyss of a moment forever. Just her and I, sitting like this.

"I will always be here for you."

...