This Is England » Freddie Highmore

66.

IT'S BEEN a few weeks since I had last seen or heard from Freddie. I've texted, I've called, I've even attempted to go to his flat. He was nowhere to be found. I've called a few of the LFOUR members and asked if they had seen their leader, but they said they hadn't. I would lie awake at night, wondering if Freddie was okay. However, I had to stop myself from continuously chasing him. He didn't want to talk to me. He didn't want to be a part of me.

I had to accept the fact that, without knowledge, Freddie and I are broken up. I wasn't sure if we were an item since New York, but it still hurt. I came to understand Freddie and his ways, his past and how he came to be, and just like that, he was gone.

I was in my dorm the third week Freddie had ignored me. I was studying for exams. I was close to midterms, and as much as I wanted to talk to Freddie and see how he was doing, I had to focus on other things.

Just as I poured a glass of wine, I took a sip and as I put it down, I heard my phone vibrate. I look at the Caller ID and see Grace was calling me.

"Hello?" I answer, bringing the wine glass to my lips.

"Hey lovely!" chirped Grace. "How are ye? Have you talked to Freddie?"

I told her everything that went on. She knew about the proposal. And she was still in shock that Max was dead.

I shake my head. "Nope. Quite frankly, I don't want to anymore." I say. "It's one thing to get upset over the death of a friend and be grieving, but I know Freddie. He's upset that I rejected him."

Grace was silent for a moment. Then she spoke. "I think he's trying to cope with the fact that yer not ready. It's alright ye know. Yer still young, and ye got plenty of years to get yer arse married." She paused. "What are you doing for yer birthday?"

I shrug, not paying any mind to my birthday. "Not sure."

"Well if you're not doing anything for your birthday, then I suggest we go do something with the girls and you can get over Freddie. I think it's time the bastard needs to figure out what he's missing." Grace replied, shuffling in the background.

I nod. "Okay. Sounds good."

"I'll meet ye tomorrow in class!" She says. I hum in response, and before I knew it, she hangs up.

..

As you get older, you come to terms with the fact that your age is nothing but a number. Today was my birthday, and I was turning nineteen. Nineteen wasn't a big deal, but being on your own at this age for me was pretty intense. I didn't have many friends, and the familiar New York streets weren't here to consume my heart with its noisy drum.

Grace and a few of our mutual friends and I decided to go to Wales. It was a pretty long train ride, but the thought of going to a pub with my girls was something I was looking forward to. Freddie and I never planned my birthday out, but even if we did, it would just end up in bed.

I was on my fifth shot of Irish Whiskey when I felt Grace tap on my shoulder.

I nod my head upward. "What's up?" I slur.

"Ye over Freddie, yet?" She asked, taking another swig to her venomous poison for the evening.

As I sat back and finished up my drink, I nodded. "Hell yeah, I am!"

"Good," she said. She then pointed to the far left of the pub. "because I think he's found a new coping mechanism for himself."

I looked over at her direction and saw Freddie with an older woman. She was well dressed and was pretty much everything that I wasn't. The older woman takes a swig to her drink, then smirks at Freddie as she hands him her cup. Freddie -- who was looking in my direction -- takes it and gulps it down.

I could only stare at him, and even though I said I was through with him, I knew I'd be lying to myself. Watching him be with someone else broke my heart.

It was obvious that we weren't meant to be, but I couldn't help but wonder if fate would work its magic on us.

...