PSYCHO | BANG CHAN [✓]

CHAPTER TWENTY

Misun was sitting on her couch, a cup of coffee sat cold and forgotten on the small table in front of her as she had her eyes glued to the television. Her face was pale, her eyes had begun to water, her breathing was heavy and deep as the newscaster's words rang in her ears. Every part of her wanted to convince herself that what she was seeing and hearing wasn't true, part of her wanted to deny the truth she felt, to push it so far down that it could never break free, but she knew better than that.

Park Jihoon was dead, and she knew who had murdered him.

The truth sat in her gut like a weight, her heart panged with the want and longing to be wrong. She so badly wanted to be wrong, she needed to be wrong, it couldn't have been him but who else would it have been.

The police currently believed it was a mugging, considering it hadn't been too far from a strip of bars where muggings and attacks happened frequently. But, that didn't explain his wallet still being at the crime scene, money untouched. She knew who, she knew who had the motive, who had the anger and aggression so perfectly hidden except for when it boiled and spilled over the surface. She was, as far as she knew, the only one who truly knew who could have displayed such rage, the only one who knew who had the deep hatred for Park Jihoon to display the violence portrayed at the crime scene.

The boy she still stupidly loved, the boy she had now grown to fear.

She wondered how love and fear could coincide within her, how she could feel both so strongly to the point where she didn't know which one was which. They were no longer running as parallel lines, they had completely merged into the same one, making her question everything. How could the person who made her feel loved, safe, protected, and wanted, be the same person who was capable of such monstrous things?

How could someone who she felt had all his love reserved for her, be the same person who had the same amount of anger for someone else?

And why did she still feel the need to hear him out? To hear his side of the story so she could stupidly validate the terrible things he had done. Had love blinded her so much that she was convinced she would find a way to forgive him for this, to move on and pretend as if nothing had happened, to run away from everything she believed only to be with someone when she knew better than that.

Taking a break in her relationship with Chan was to reflect on what she wanted, to refocus her beliefs and how far she'd be willing to tolerate oversteps in what she thought her morals were. She had always told herself not to let someone redefine her, to never allow someone to make her question everything she was simply because they loved her. She knew what Chan had been doing wasn't okay, his protective nature was overshadowed by his violence and rage, his love for her was as strong as his hatred for those who he deemed wronged her.

She needed answers, she needed to know for sure. If that made her a fool, so be it. She couldn't live with assuming the worst if it somehow not ended up being true. She knew it was, but maybe she still hoped he would deny it. Or maybe she just needed to hear the truth from him, even if it wasn't the answer she wanted.

Mistake one.

That's how she found herself standing in front of his apartment door. Debating within herself to either knock and face the truth or run. She wasn't someone who would run, she thought as the sound of her knocking echoed down the hallway. She heard the lock sliding out of place and her heart rate sped up as she came face to face with the man she had both love and fear for. He looked the same, but also different. The bags under his eyes were darker, his face was harder, but he was still Chan.

"Misun? What are you doing here?" He rasped out.

She cleared her throat, "I need to talk to you. Can I come in?"

Mistake two.

He didn't reply, but stepped to the side, letting her enter the apartment. She took a few steps, not wanting to leave the comfort of the exit too far behind. Chan looked at her, realizing she wasn't going to walk any farther and closed the door.

Mistake three.

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

She wrung her hands together, looking everywhere but at him. How was she supposed to ask such a tainted question when he still made butterflies erupt in her stomach? She wished the reason she had come over was to say she forgave him and wanted to be with him. She wished the only reason for her being here was so that she could kiss him again and feel the safety of his arms around her, but she knew in her heart what he had done. She looked up at him, "Did you do it?" she asked, voice trembling, there was no avoiding it.

Chan stared at her blankly, "Did I do what?"

She closed her eyes, willing herself to stable her voice and get her point across. Taking a deep breath, she asked the turning point question, 'Did you kill Jihoon?"

Mistake four.

Chan blinked, still staring at her blankly. The man she was staring at now was a stranger, someone she no longer recognized. His eyes were dark, dead. As he stepped forward and she felt her back meet the wall behind her, he tilted his head and began to speak in a voice so unfamiliar to her ears it took everything in her to repress a shiver.

"What if I did? What if I was so fuelled with anger towards a man who didn't deserve to breathe? What if I was so fuelled with love for you that I would rather kill someone than have someone even think of doing something to harm you? To do something that would take you away from me?

You have completely taken over me, Misun. All I can think about is you, all I can see is you, all I can feel is you. Without you, I am nothing. Without you, I might as well be dead. You have entwined your way around my heart, and soul, you have made me fall so dangerously and irreversibly in love with you that I am willing to kill for you."

He brought his arms up, resting them on the wall on either side of her head, making her feel caged and smaller than she already did before.

"Your love courses through me like a sweet poison, I don't remember who I was before I met you, I don't want to remember who I was before I met you. Regardless of what I have done, regardless of what I am still willing to do, as long as I have you, I don't care who I have become.

I tried so hard to stay away from you at the beginning, but you just wouldn't leave. No matter how I tried to avoid you, you were always there. Physically or mentally you were there. Making me fall deeper and deeper with every breath I took, and the more I was with you the more I longed for you and I realized I would do anything for you."

Misun stood frozen, unable to bring herself to stop staring into his eyes. Her breathing was rapid, panic seeping through every pore as she realized the mess she had gotten herself into.

"Yes, I killed Jihoon and I would do it again and again and again if it meant you were still here in front of me. You turned me into this, Misun, so am I really the only one to blame?"

She was so paralyzed by the truth being spoken she didn't notice his right hand sliding down until she heard the sound of the door locking behind her.

Mistake five.

"I'm never letting you go, Misun."