The Haunting of Bobby Bangash (Ongoing)

The Joys of Soul Hunting

Four months into their relationship, Bobby was very very pleased with himself. As surmised, Ann had turned out to be quite the tigress in bed. She wasn't that empty headed either. There were times when she actually surprised Bobby with her wit and sharpness, but fortunately those were very few. The first few times it happened he was quite taken aback and a little nervous – he didn't like girls with brains. But then Ann would go back to being her usual air-headed, eyelash fluttering, psychedelic fashionista self and Bobby would brush his irrational fears aside. After all, the advantages of "dating" her outweighed the disadvantages. Most importantly, the action in bed was better than great. Well, yes, the candles and scents were a little overwhelming at times, but Bobby had learned to ignore them by now. There were other, more interesting things to look into after all.

Of all the women he had ever slept with, none – not one – had ever taken such an interest in matters of "pampering the home of the soul" as Brahmanu Solomon called it. According to him (so Ann told Bobby one night), the "physical body is not something to be ignored in the process of soul advancement. The dear, all-knowing Almighty has deemed it necessary to house our souls in a protective shell that is soft, alluring and lustful. To deny the house of the soul its fertiliser of carnal embellishment is to deny the seeds buried deep in the earth the fertilizer of water and sunlight. So do not run away from lust and love – embrace them. Had the dear Almighty not wanted us to pamper our bodies, he would have simply left us a misty, intangible souls floating in halls of Heaven." Although Bobby had begun suspecting this Solomon chap of being a first-rate thug and liar, he heartily agreed to this explanation of why sex was a necessity. He knew Ann was a devotee of the rascal and since upsetting her was out of question, he wisely kept his thoughts to himself. In any case, this theory of Solomon's was to his advantage, so Bobby wasn't complaining.

Ann, one need not say, took this theory to heart. She took utmost pains to "embellish her soul's house" and make it as attractive as possible to Bobby's soul. On their very first night together, as Bobby sat in her room with the sickly rose-scented candles burning away beside him, she made a dramatic entry wearing... an angel's costume. Complete with a halo on her head and, heaven knows how, slightly glowing makeup. To say it came as a shock is a six-feet-under-statement. She came gliding (how is she doing that, wondered the paralysed Bobby) towards him and taking his hand in her's launched into the most whimsical verbal foreplay ever.

"My Lord", she began in a barely more than a whisper, "I come to thee. I come to thee with the hope and longing that a mere soul of thy heavenly kingdom can be of some little use to thee. I know that thy affections are far more superior to be bestowed upon a trifling being as myself, yet, yet, I come to thee. Your mere touch (she slowly lifted his hand and kissed it lightly) lights inside of me a fire brighter than a thousand candles (here Bobby wanted to say that that wouldn't be much actually, but he was too stunned to say it). The volcano of my desire neither erupts nor cools down. Only you can bring me relief. (By now, his mouth was hanging open in a most unattractive manner but he was unaware of it. Slowly, he sat down beside him and ran a finger gently down his cheek.) Will thee not help me in my distress, my Lord? Will thee not extinguish the fires of my passion with thy cooling touch? (Then she came so close to his face that he could feel her breath on his lips.) Will thy not", she said in a suddenly husky voice and half closed eyes, "do me the honour of safe-keeping my soul's virginity within the divine walls of your lustful adoring embrace?"

By now Bobby had shaken himself out of his shock and was curiously listening to this singular sermon of seduction. Now to be absolutely honest, he wanted to laugh. He wanted to roll on the floor, kick his legs up in the air and laugh his lungs out. But Bobby's self-restraint was awe-inspiring. Not only did he not laugh – not even smile – but instead gently took Ann into his 'lustful adoring embrace' and made most of the situation.