Terrified

Part 6

It had been days. Too many to count. After the first night I went home to grab some fresh clothes and bathroom necessities to stay in the lair indefinitely. I hadn't gone home since. I went to work, the lair, and back again. I barely spoke, ignored my friends, didn't sleep, didn't eat. Donnie ended up giving me a sedative when the guys figured out I hadn't slept for almost a week. Splinter convinced me to at least try to sleep a few hours each night.

"Raphael will be upset to learn you had not slept when he wakes," his words were like an arrow to my heart.

Soon after the sedative incident they found out I hadn't been eating either. Mikey got stuck on feeding duty. Splinter spoke those same words, once again stabbing my heart. He was wrong, though; Raph wouldn't be upset, he'd be furious. But then maybe he wouldn't ever let me out of his sight again. Then he wouldn't ever go topside again. Then he would never get hurt again.

It was worth a shot.

So Mikey fed me. Then, when the guys left for patrol and Splinter was meditating, I retched it back up- emptying my stomach of all it's contents.

Eventually, I got fired from Dusty Books. Apparently not speaking to customers, co-workers, or the boss was cause for dismissal. Although, the bossman did say to come back when I was able to. When I was willing to talk it out, but that would never happen unless Raph woke up.

When rent was due, Splinter had the guys move my things into the lair. I even had my own room.

I never used it.

When I did sleep, it was next to Raph. On his bed. With him. They had moved him to his bedroom after the worst of it passed. It gave us false hope, but at least he looked more comfortable in bed than on Donnie's hard, flat lab table.

I sat next to Raph, who looked a bit weaker. Not enough to lose his intimidation factor, but enough that I had noticed his muscles didn't strain against his rough skin, losing some of his definition. He was hooked up to an IV to keep him hydrated along with a feeding tube stuffed down his throat for nutrients. He wasn't going to like that when he woke. The thought forced a tender smile on my lips.

Every day Leo and Donnie moved his extremities and rolled him into different positions, laying pillows between any bony protrusions to provide comfort. Donnie said it was to keep his muscles from stiffening and sores from appearing. They also bathed him every few days. They wouldn't let me help though. Probably because I could barely lift his hand, let alone an arm or roll him to wipe his shell down.

I put my fingers on his wrist, checking for a pulse. It was the same as it had been lately: slow and weak, but it was there as I watched the steady rise and fall of his chest.

It had been six weeks and the most he had done was mumble in his sleep. His wounds had mostly healed. The stitches had been pulled and the slice up his arm was more scar tissue than scab. He was healing like a human, so Donnie said, leaving him to believe the poison that entered Raph's system killed off most of his white blood cells. Donnie thinks some of the poison got into Raph's bone marrow and was still affecting the production of all his blood cells: red and white alike. Once a week one of the brothers would inject their blood into his system, hoping it would kill off the poison. They had been passing around the idea that maybe they could give him a bone marrow transplant. After a month they had unanimously decided it was worth a shot. But before they could do that, Donnie had to get all the right tools and create a quarantine area in his lab. The next feat was deciding who would give their marrow. They were all a match.

Donnie was out because he had to perform the transplant.

Mikey and Leo fought daily on which would have the honor of giving their marrow. Leo, because he was the big brother, the leader, the brother who thought Raph getting hurt was his fault. If only he had been paying more attention to Raph, maybe then he wouldn't be laying on his bed, seemingly lifeless. The guilt was chipping away at his soul. Mikey because he wanted to help in any way he could.