hatred | miniminter

24

from simon
i'm sorry ok? just talk to me

glaring at the message i received 3 days ago and still haven't replied to, i wave my thumbs over the keyboard, an action i've been doing every so often since i received it - i just can't think of what to say. and of course, whilst i'm thinking about him, he messages me again.

from simon
don't ignore me

letting out a frustrated groan, i stare down at my phone.

to simon
there's nothing to talk about

i have barely been acting like myself, i miss his touch and embrace, something i never thought i would feel towards simon. on stream yesterday, i wasn't as joyful or chatty as i usually am and i could tell that the chat noticed it. i'm just trying to come to terms with my feelings, i know that i like him, even when i try my hardest not to because he isn't someone i should like and everyone will criticise that. it's hard to understand where all of this came from, having to explain to everyone that even though i could have slept with anyone else, i found myself in bed with simon most nights because it felt like a game. but now i've fallen just like he has.

from simon
eden please, you know we need to talk

to simon
i don't really know what to say

from simon
i'm coming round

to simon
no.

from simon
yes.

"fucking hell." i mutter under my breath, dragging my feet from the sofa to clean up any mess scattered around the flat, my heart sinking to my stomach at the thought of having to speak to him again. not knowing what to say, do i have to admit my feelings?

after buzzing him in, i nervously stand around by the door, awaiting for his knock. i can't seem to stand still, nervously bouncing up and down on the spot, moving my weight from one leg to the other. "hi." i clear my throat, slowly opening the door.

"hi." he sighs, i move out of the way to let him in. "you okay?"

"i dunno, are you?" i lock the door, slowly turning to face him.

"just don't like that you've been ignoring me." he shrugs his shoulders, both of us completely pausing for a moment. he stands in front of me, hands in pockets, wearing joggers and a hoodie and his hair not styled as i lean against the front door, gazing up and down up his body. "i just want to talk to you." he huffs.

"there's nothing to talk about." i shrug my shoulders, pulling all of my weight from the door to stand closer to him, "i erm, i'm not bothered."

"but i am." he furrows his eyebrows.

"why though?" i question, twirling my hair in my fingertips as my nerves overwhelm me.

"i've told you how i feel, i wasn't lying." he raises his voice, staring down at me. "i just didn't know how you felt, so i just got with a random girl."

"i'm not bothered." i shrug my shoulders, swallowing harshly.

"but you are, eden."

"you don't know shit, simon!" i speak up, "i don't give a fuck."

"you're a bad liar." he folds both arms over his chest. the fact after all these months he can see right through me when he once showed so much distaste and hostility towards me, he would not even attempt to know anything about me.

"whatever." i scoff, shaking my head at him. "you're pissing me off." i mumble under my breath, knowing i've been caught out.

"and you were purposely pissing me off the other night, all over cal and harry like that." he mumbles, walking over to the sofa to sit down, staring straight up at me.

i throw my head into both hands, groaning, "i'll do what i want," i lift up my head, "you literally got with another girl, you're being a hypocrite!"

"i told you, i like you." simon responds sternly, shaking his head. his tone appears resentful, for someone who's trying to admit his feelings, he can't quite seem to do it right. you would never to be able to understand his feelings if he didn't want to show them, he can't even bring himself to show that he likes me.

"it doesn't seem like it." a look of bitterness sweeps across my face which now begins to burn.

"eden," huffing, he brings his body up from the sofa, letting out a loud growl of annoyance, "just believe me! i like you." it isn't the first time i've heard that phrase, but every time he does say it, my heart sinks to my stomach. it takes my by surprise each time.

"i just think this was all a bad idea." turning my body away, i grab myself a bottle of water. my throat begins to turn dry, not being able to admit how i really feel.

"why was it?" he shouts.

"because - " slamming the bottle down, i turn to face him.

"because what?" raising his eyebrows, he impatiently waits for a response.

"fucking hell!" i yell, "because i fucking like you simon!"

i glare at his expression falling flat, blinking a couple of times to take in what i just confessed. "is that not a good thing?"

"i don't know," i shrug my shoulders, "is it?" i choke out, my breathing shaky. his feet inch closer to me, until our bodies practically touch and i instantly relax as soon as i feel his skin on my own, his fingertips caressing my cheek.

"i don't see why it wouldn't be." he shrugs his shoulders, his tongue swiping across his bottom lip as our eyes meet. i spot a spark in his blue eyes, wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him in closer, our faces touching. "we can work something out." he hum's, i'm left speechless by everything that has happened in the last few months that has resulted in this. our lips meet, a trail of goosebumps forming up my arms as i find myself lost in the feel of his lips for the millionth time. but this time it felt different, my body filling with endless passion as one of his hands falls to my waist.

"simon." i pull away breathlessly, our lips disconnecting, "seriously, what are we going to do?"

"what do you want to happen?" his finger tips roam my body, feeling the warmth of his body against my own.

"i genuinely want us to get along in front of everyone," i pause for a moment, my breath hitching in my throat whilst he moves my hair out of the way to press delicate kisses along my neck, "an - and i want us to get to know each other, more than just sleeping together." i'm completely wrapped around his little finger when i once thought i had him wrapped around my own, struggling to even string a sentence together as my body falls limp beneath his touch.

"we can do that." my hairs stand on end as he hums against my skin.

"i'm serious." i whisper, a moan escaping my lips as he begins to suck and nibble on my skin.

"i know." he mutters, bringing his face back to meet my own, gazing into one another's eyes for a moment, "i know because i want this to work." he nods.

"okay." a soft smile forms across my lips, cupping his face to bring him in for a sensual and passionate kiss.