The Poet's First

Prologue

Is it possible to fall in love and believing in 'love' despite of hating the word itself? Love really sucks, this word has no specific meaning, we have different opinions about the said word. "Love is just temporary, temporary happiness, you will end up crying in pain with just your pillow as a witness in all your sufferings, love is nothing but a lie." How am I going to love when I know at the end of the day I'll just lost, that I will just ended up crying, empty and drained. Hi, Aviana Celestine Ventanier, 19 years old, a poet, reseller, waitress and a CPA student. Watch me fall in love with the sweetest man I've ever met.

                             **°°°**

Sitting comfortably on the couch with a cup of coffee in my hand, thinking how I missed my friends in our Province, the fresh air, the bond, the relaxing cold breeze, oh my fridge the thoughts that running through my little messy brain makes me want to go back there and just live my life peacefully there, I sighed. I made my way to my little kitchen to wash my cup and started to prepare for work.

I am looking at my reflection on the mirror checking if I'm ready to go, I'm just wearing a simple off-shoulder dress revealing my neck and shoulder paired with flats and a cute back pack in my back with my phone and wallet inside it. I just let my waist length straight black hair hang down, my hair is my favorite part of me, it's my treasure so I am not letting anyone lay their hands on it, just my mother.

I went straight to the locker room as soon as I arrive in the place where I am working as a waitress.
"Good afternoon Acel" my co-waitress greeted me. She's Clavireina, also a working student in her 3rd year in college, a 23 year-old probinsyana, she's kind and hard-working, I smiled and greeted her back, we talk for a few minutes before our manager intervene, asking if I am willing to perform tonight for extra money, maybe the band is not here to entertain the customers.

"Pleasure ma'am." I said politely to her. She smiled at me before she left the room.

“PAHINGA”

'Mga NGITI sa ating labi
Mula umaga hanggang gabi
Na tila walang makakapawi,
Sa ating labi, ito'y mananatili.
  
Mula nang dumating ka
Buhay ay biglang sumigla
Nawawala ang takot at pangamba
Dahil alam ko na andyan ka.

Mga emosyong nadarama
Hindi natatakot na harapin sila
Sapagkat alam ko na kasama kita,
Lungkot man ito o saya.

Hindi maalis ang saya
Tuwing kausap ka
Mula sa pagsikat ng araw hanggang sa ito'y mawala
Ngiti ay mananatili para iyong makita

Pagod ay nawawala,
Sa tuwing hahagkan mo na
Dahil ikaw ang PAHINGA
Lungkot at PAGOD ay limot na.

Mahal, patawarin mo sana ako.
Patawad kung ako'y sumuko,
Kung pinairal ang pride ko at ako'y sumuko
Na dahilan ng pagkabigo ng iyong puso.

Mahal, patawarin mo ako, kung ako'y bumigay,
Kung ako'y bumitaw at hindi nag-antay
Kung puro na lang tampo at away
Sa kadahilanang lagi mong pinaghihintay.

Patawad kung ang saya'y napalitan ng pagkainip at pangamba
Pagkainip sa paghihintay, pangamba na sa oras mo ako'y may kahati na
Na atensyon mo ay may nag-ookupa na.
Na ang dating akin lang wala ng iba.

Mahal, IKAW ang PAHINGA
Ngunit puso'y napagod na
Kaya hayaan na sana natin ang ating mga puso na magpahinga
Dahil ang dating pahinga ay naging sakit na.'
      
      I really don't know how and when did I wrote that one, and I can't remember how I've done that, how a no experience woman can write such deep lines like I am a broken hearted person, oh my fridge, scratch scratch scratch.

I bowed my head lightly and made my way back to the locker to change, I've been working here as a waitress for almost six month now and sometimes performing on stage with some poetry I made. It's hard being a working student but I want this, I need to be strong and independent, I need to earn money for my own expenses, I need to be successful because that is the least I can do for my parents, I'll be successful for them and as a crown that I'll carry wherever I am, success is the invisible crown that we can wear in our everyday life, can proudly walk in the street with your head up high being happy and satisfied. Now I know how does one of my friend feel. My thoughts has been distracted by the sound of my phone.

"Po, hello?" Sagot ko sa kuya ko ng tumawag sya habang naghihintay ako ng taxi na masasakayan ko pauwi sa apartment na tinutuluyan ko.

[Bunso, kamusta ka jan? Nakakakain ka ba ng maayos? Kamusta pag-aaral? ] sunod sunod na tanong nya dahilan upang matawa ako.

"Kuya, isa isa, mahina kalaban aba" Sabi ko ng natatawa.

[Just answer my questions.] Masungit na sambit nya.

"Maayos naman kuya, maayos po ang pag-aaral ko at syempre kuya nakakakain ako ng maayos, alam mo namang di ako nakakatagal sa pagkain e, kayo?kamusta kayo jan?" Sambit ko.

[We're totally fine here, may pera ka pa ba?hindi ka na nanghihingi samin, why? Don't tell me-] pinutol ko na agad ang sasabihin nya dahil alam kong makikipagtalo nanaman sya sa pagiging working student ko.

"May pera ako kuya, may trabaho ako at huwag ka ng makipagtalo sakin about this please? I really want to be an independent grown up woman!" I plead.

[Bakit ka magtratrabaho kung kaya naman naming sustentuhan ang mga pangangailangan mo?] Tanong nya.

"Bakit nyo ako susustentuhan kung kaya kong sustentuhan sarili ko?" I fired back, getting irritated. Bago ako magtapos ng Senior high school ay sinabi ko na sa kanila na gusto kong magtrabaho pagdating ng kolehiyo, gagastusan ko ang sarili ko at sasanaying huwag dumepende sa kanila, ilang beses ko itong pinaglaban, ilang beses namin na pinagtalunan, lalo na ang aking mama na syang pinakaunang tutol sa gusto ko, my mom was always beenso protective of me, she cares for me a lot, maybe because I'm the youngest Ventanier? And only girl in our family. 

[Alright, princess, if that's what our princess want then I have nothing to do with it, I'll talk to you again later baby.]Then he hang up not waiting for my response. I frowned after I slid my phone in my bag, I really hate it when they call me 'princess, baby' argh for food's sake I'm not a princess nor a baby grrr.

I sighed as I watched the bus pass after me. I raise my hand once I saw the taxi coming and the driver stop right in front of me, "thank God", I whisper as I enter the backseat. Sumandal ako sa bintana at pinagmasdan ang ilaw ng mga nagtataasang gusali, I sighed again for God knows how many time did I do that in just an hour. I miss the fresh air in our Province, I miss my friends, I miss being there. I wish my noisy friends are here.
Sa kakaisip ay hindi ko napansin na nandito na ako sa tapat ng tinutuluyan ko.

Pagkababa ko ng taxi ay agad kong binuksan ang pinto at pumasok, kanina ko pa gustong matulog ngunit kailangan ko pang magbasa upang hindi ako nakatunganga bukas sa klase.

I sat on the couch with my books of managerial accounting and financial accounting in my hand and a cup of coffee right in front of me. I read, read and read until I fell asleep.