Anxiety Flaws

Intention ?

*Flash back*

I'm looking down from the school roof, only a third year in middle school, so much to look forward to. I remember that day. I almost jumped, till this day I have no clue what stopped me, was it fear, was it my loving mom will know. 

Ring, Ring 

I woke up from my daze to my phone ringing  it was Daichi. I swallow my tears that were forming , "Hello" I responded with a slight shaky voice. On the other end Daichi's siblings were fighting, "I will call later I promise ok" he quickly hangs up. I look down to see I had not  changed back to a male , and the pain of body imaging came to mind, running to the bathroom blade in hand , cutting my stomach to ease the pain of self hatred. Feeling grateful that when Daichi was over didn't notice I was a women, our hangout session went well even though  its now been 3 days and the testosterone shots have not worked, I feel so alone. Continuing to cut the blade deeper into my stomach wishing I was just even 5 pounds less, looking into the mirror I saw tears, which isn't an uncommon thing for me. I just want things to end I feel so empty inside. Putting down the blade I put my phone on silent , just to take a nap.

My nap was only about 20 minutes then I woke up to eat , do my home work and simply try not to think about the world.  My mom was aware of the situation at hand but my anxiety levels were too high to do anything about which is why I have stayed a girl for this long. I go back to my room after doing my homework . Picking up the phone I saw that Daichi was calling me , the only words I remember saying to him was , " I need to calm down, before things get worse", I put the phone down and ran and ran till I couldn't anymore I fell from exhaustion. "Where did I fall where did I end up?" , I asked myself when I realized it was a cherry tree grotto, the place I came as a child all the time as a comfort place with my old mp3 player.  I found the one stump i would sit on all the time. I let out a quick sigh of relief as I begin to calm down enough to be myself again which is such a relief. after a few hours of just sitting in silence i was myself again I was a guy again which made me feel so good . This was my happy spot this place made me feel like myself and feel calm once more. I cried tears of joy, then I realized my phone was ringing it was Daichi.

I swallowed my tears of joy and I answered the phone, apparently he wanted to see me and give me something so i told him my location. Not to long later he shows up dressed fairly nice with some roses in hand. He very nervously walks over to me a says' This ha.. has been on my mind for a while, would you... you like to go on a date." as he handed me the bundle, I noticed you were upset earlier so I th.. thought roses would help". A genuine smile appeared across my face as he handed me the bundle of roses that was mix of pink, red and white, a very lovely color pallet. " Sure, yes, defiantly. " I quickly replied with no hesitation and hug.