Anxiety Flaws

Long days ahead

Well now Asahi knows he promised me he wouldn't tell a soul, which is a good thing. After practice and school I went home , my mother is always busy working so its just me at home. I threw my bag down and ran to my room I just fell asleep. Depression they say can take over well it has since middle school but you think I would be happy now but sometimes people just don't understand.

 I didn't eat dinner , instead I woke up from a horrible nightmare again these days, nightmares are just common but this one was different. When I woke up from it i cried which again is normal for these days, I grabbed my journal and started to journal as my chest swelled, " Great just another thing I need this is great perfect" I said out loud. Buzz Buzz my phone vibrated, It was Daichi texting me. He wants to come over, since tomorrow we didn't have practice. I responded to him quickly saying no I don't want you to come over, although he responded quickly saying, I am coming over anyways I am worried about you. So much for sleep right? I didn't fall back asleep my now long hair begins to get tangled, I didn't really care at that point nor did I understand why this had to happen to me out of all the people me Sugawara Koushi had to be diagnosed with this illness, but this night was something different. I don't really understand how it felt different but tomorrow is a day I don't want to deal with. 

~~~~ Time skip to tomorrow~~~~

I woke up not anxious which is weird but I woke up as a women which is some what unusual, my medicine shouldn't have  worn off, so I got up to see Daichi in my kitchen.  I quickly ran back to my room and just hid under the covers which after I soon did I heard his foot steps.  I had a slight panic trying to inject my shot into my thigh.  I got it in my thigh but nothing happened so I put a hat on my head to hide my hair and answered the door and it was him, my heart was racing, I just well I don't know what to say, luckily I was hidden in a sweatshirt that I have on hand. I offered to make him some coffee or tea and honestly I just really feel like dying. I ended up make us both a cup of tea, which in turn didn't help my anxiety at all I really want to tell Daichi but I'm too scared. We just hung out at my place until he deiced to leave since he has younger siblings to watch. After he left I quickly looked in my bathroom for a razor, "just one cut " I said aloud but just one turned into just ten. I rinsed my wrist off ," The pain of each bully washed away"  God how I hate bullies. They caused this they caused everything, they caused me so much pain and so much depression I should just end myself right?

authors note: Hey y'all sorry for the short chapter, its not writers block but I started going in multiple directions just chapter and I needed to just get this out since I have been writing this chapter for a few months, but I will see you next chapter.