Sandra

Chapter 9: consequences

I overslept in the morning and it was a school day. Why hadn't someone woken me? I was struggling to get up when Mum came in. "Morning, sweetheart." She kissed me on my forehead.

I started to complain, "Mum, I'm going to be late . . ."

"It's okay, Sandra," She handed me my wrap and led me over to my dressing table.

I put the wrap on over my favourite silky pyjamas and sat down. Mum brushed my hair and put it up into a high ponytail. "Dad's waiting for us downstairs. He'll take you to school after we have had a talk."

"Um," I said confused. My face looked pale. I picked up a lipstick and applied some light colour.

"Come on, let's get you some breakfast."

Dad was sitting at the kitchen table fiddling on his laptop. He looked up, "Morning, cutie."

"Morning, Daddy," I said as I kissed him on his cheek - it had become our morning ritual.

Mum got me a bowl of cereal and a glass of juice, and then sat down at the table.

"Do you want to tell us, love?"

"Oh, lord, has Deirdre said something . . ."

Mum gave a short laugh, "Well, I shouldn't be surprised that your clever sister noticed something. But, no, she has not said anything to us."

There was a pause and Mum continued, "When you and Owen returned from your tour of the house, you both looked a little sheepish and guilty."

My parents were looking at me with kind, loving expressions, so I told them all.

Dad admonished me in a serious concerned tone, "Sandra, you are only thirteen. You must show restraint; do you understand me?"

"Yes, Dad." I wanted to cry.

"It's okay, love, but be careful and sensible."

"I will, Daddy, I will."

There was silence for a while.

Mum took a breath, "Where do we go from here, Sandra?"

My mouth couldn't answer that question; my brain couldn't seem to deal with it.

There was anguish in Mum's voice when she spoke again, "I didn't think of possible consequences when I got you to take Deirdre's place . . . it was a solution, that was all . . . I didn't think . . . it didn't occur to me how it would affect all of us . . . I'm sorry . . ."

Dad stepped in, "Mate, we're all proud of how you filled in for Deirdre; you were terrific. I have to tell you that we have all enjoyed your girl disguise; it was a lot of fun. I reckon you had fun too. And that's what Mum's trying to ask you; how has it affected you, how do you feel?"

I still couldn't answer. I looked at my father; swallowing and gulping, appealing with my eyes.

Mum came and put her arms around me, "Oh, darling, what have I done to you?"

I leaned against her, "Mum, I bought it on myself. At least, that's something I know. What I don't know, is what to do now."

"Look, we have to be honest," said my father after none of us had spoken for a while, "something quite remarkable happened to this family over the past few weeks. Sandra has been a phenomenon. Maybe that's all it is, a transient thing and now James returns. Or does Sandra continue. I don't know. One thing is for sure, (he was looking at me with more love and caring in his face than I had ever seen him show me before) Sandra slash James, the decision is yours and yours alone. We can try to help, but ultimately it is for you to decide."

I pressed against my mother feeling afraid, afraid of myself mostly.

Mum spoke gently, "Darling, know this; we all love you and will always love you, regardless of whether you are Sandra or James. We will stand by you."