Adorable Confusion

Chapter 1

I had gotten a pass for activity period to help my friend, Niall, work on his project for Digital Video class.

I was on my way to the Digital Video room, when I saw him walking down the hall in front of me, coming from a different direction.

He had his usual attire on, which consisted of a faded reddish sweatshirt, jeans, and a pair of black tennis shoes with blue laces.

He's so mysterious.

A couple months ago we had a bad start of what i hoped would turn into a relationship, but that quickly ended with him telling me he didn't have feelings for me, and that this was just a bad time.

"Hey Niall." I walked up to him, pressing my lips together awkwardly.

I really don't want it to be this way between us. I just wanna be friends with the kid; despite the fact he's the first person I've ever loved.

"Hey," he says blankly. "How're you doing?" Niall's signature I-don't-know-what-else-to-say-to-you, go-to phrase.

"I'm fine, I guess." I say out of the generic 'good'.

"I don't know why you think this has to be so awkward. I'm not gonna force you to have feelings for me, but I'd still like to be friends...if you don't think that's weird.." I say.

"I don't know..I just feel like we get nowhere when we talk. Like, we have nothing to talk about. You're just too shy." He says, which hits me.

"See, the only reason I was so...boring when we talked is because I've never done...whatever you call what we were doing...before, and I was just nervous. And yea, I guess I should've been more myself, and I think everything was just rushed, and we should've just started as friends first. That would've probably been best, and now I feel like you don't even know the real me."

"You're the one who gave me that note in the first place! I could've moved on just fine without ever seeing you again..." His tone is soft, but the words he said were harsh.

"So you REALLY don't like me THAT much." I say, trying my best not to start with the tears.

"No, I never said that."

"You're just confusing. I never know what you mean with anything you say to me. I tell you exactly how I feel, and you just mislead me, and don't say anything." I'm getting all this off my chest, and my face is probably bright red.

I don't think I even care though. I need to explain this shit to him.

"No, you just overthink everything! And if I don't let you know how I'm feeling every second of everyday, then SORRY! I'm not like you, I don't talk about my feelings to everyone. And I didn't "mislead" you, I told you, when you first gave me the note I didn't know what I felt." Niall rants.

He's getting on my nerves.

I don't even know what to say, so I just sigh really loudly. This is stressful.

"I just felt really stupid, because there I was being all happy cause I thought you maybe liked me back, but then.....yea." I say with my head down.

He sighs.

"I didn't do anything wrong.." He starts, but I interrupt the little fuck.

"Do you just not care that you hurt me?" I say.

"I never forced you to like me!" He says loudly, almost smiling.

"I'm not saying you did!" I say equally loud.

"Well then why are you making it seem like this is all my fault?" He acts genuinely confused.

"Okay, I have no idea why anymore! But for some unknown reason, I thought you were awesome, and I started to like you. Everyday I would be so fricking excited to go to digital video class just to see you...Well, not just to see you, the class was really fun, and that was the only time me and Emma really got to talk....But anyways...so if I was a little quiet and nervous sometimes in that class, that's why. And when you finally knew how I felt, and told me you wanted to meet up with me every morning, yea I got excited. And yea I might have overthought things a little, but...i don't know."

I'm really trying to hold back the tears now.

I have no idea what he's gonna say, if he's gonna say anything at all.

"I never said you were gonna be my girlfriend, I just told you i eat breakfast in the mornings and that we could meet there." He says coldly, making what was complex at the time, seem like the simplest thing in the world now.

"Whatever, I guess it doesn't even matter anymore." I say looking down.