Adorable Confusion

Chapter 9

We move our lips together for a bit until we start going in sync.

I lift my left hand up from its former resting spot, on my knee, to Niall's shoulder; progressively moving it up to where my thumb is grazing his jawline, while my fingers rest behind his ear.

It feels very foreign for my hands to be all over him, and I have a small urge to just stop; but his clammy hands awkwardly move up to my lower back, and I can't help but feel butterflies.

We have yet to pull away from the kissing, and I decide to make a move.

We're both still sitting on the floor, so I unfold my legs and sit up that way I'm in a kneeling position; Niall now has to have his face tilted upwards to reach mine.

I break from the kiss just in enough time to stand up the whole way, and motion for Niall to follow my lead.

He takes a little longer than I did, but when he's finally up, he shocks me by backing me into the closest wall and continues to kiss me.

Since I'm so much shorter than him though, I ask him to lift me up.

As he does, he grabs me by my thighs, and I feel his cold hands' grasp much stronger than I would have, since I'm wearing pantyhose with shorts, and not actual pants.

I wrap my legs around his torso, and wrap my arms around his neck.

The surprisingly comfortable feeling I have right now makes me moan involuntarily, into his mouth.

I don't know how he feels about all this; I know he isn't really the most 'affectionate' person ever, but I'll take the fact that he currently has my back pinned to the wall, holding my thighs, and kissing me passionately, as a sign that he's doing fine with this.

I unravel my arms from his neck to take this to the next step; pulling my shirt up and above my head, tossing it over in a corner.

He stops, only to slowly look down to my pink and white bra, which is now the only piece of upper body clothing I have on.

To be honest, I feel exposed with him staring at me like that, so I instinctively cover up with my arms.

"What?" I ask, looking at him watch me with that sleepily expression.

Then he looks back up into my eyes.

"What if we regret his later?" He asks, releasing one of his hands from its grip on my thigh.

"I don't know about you, but I won't." I say, watching his now swollen lips move as he talks.

"I know, but it don't know what's going on. It seems like you know what you want......me," he says blushing.

"But I'm not sure if I know what I want. I'm just a freshman."

"Well, what are we, Niall?!" I raise my voice in frustration.

"You can't do this to me. You and I both know how much I like you, and I need you. You break my heart every time you tell me that you don't have feelings for me! Can't I love you enough for the both of us?" I desperately ask.

He just sighs.

"Maybe we could work, i don't know. We have to try things out." He says, looking down at my lips.

"I don't think it's supposed to be this awkward-"

"You're the only one making it awkward." I interrupt him, then pull him in and we start kissing again.

"And another thing...." I say seductively, resting my forehead on his, and playing with the zipper on his faded red sweatshirt.

".....you wear this too much.."

I slowly pull the zipper down, and reveal a black T shirt.

He takes the red sweatshirt off the rest of the way, and it falls to the ground.

Then, he begins kissing the corner of my mouth, down to my jaw, down my neck.

"Ohhh..." I moan, and start breathing even more heavily.

He tightens his grasp on my thighs, and carries me over to the closest desk; the bigger one.

He lays me down on it, and the cold from the hard wood touching my back makes me shiver.

I look over to the side, where he's standing, staring at me with those sad eyes again.

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

" I've never done this before....I don't know what to do.."

I smile at how cute he sounds right now.

"Come here," I motion him over. "I've never done this before either, but I read fan fiction..."

He smiles so wide at that, and walks over to me, getting on top the desk, and on top of me.

"I'll tell you what to do, okay?" I say, trying to sound sexy.

"Okay." He says into my mouth, his warm breath making me shiver again.

While we're kissing on loop, I can't help but nauseously remember all those times he had saliva hanging from his mouth.

It doesn't matter though, because I don't see him how everyone else sees him.

I don't see him as "annoying" or "dorky" or "the kid who wears the same clothes everyday".

I see him as Niall. The kid who doesn't care what people think of him.

The kid who knows it's what's on the inside that counts.

He's the kid I fell I love with; but he's also the kid who broke my heart.