You're an orphan. Ever since you entered a high school, everything is super hard for you and the one that took care of you. You used to live with your step grandmother who adopted you from the street. Everything, food, education, a roof to stand und...
Aimless, without destination, emptiness, those dragged me out here. In the middle of the night, with my guitar on my hand, mask covering my face, and jacket wrapped around my tiny cold body.
Even though I told Lisa and the others where I wanted to go, yet my head had nothing but emptiness. I didn't even put a thought of "going to the park".
I knew that I would always lock myself inside my room. But tonight, I felt like it wouldn't be enough.
This feeling made me feel something that had been hurting on my chest, no... way deeper than that. Guilt, shame, regret, or whatever it was... or maybe all of them. It all mixed like fruits in a blender.
Never had I ever shed tears this much, I couldn't even cry anymore... as if I had run out of tears. I had spent every tear I had for him, for my regret of betraying him.
I had betrayed him, killed his trust. And here I was, asking for redemption in exchange of my tears. *chuckle* I really was out of my mind.
My feet kept dragging me and made me wandering around the midnight city, all alone... every time I felt alone, I would play guitar that would cheer me up.
Yet for these past few days, the effect grew thinner and thinner... I needed him, and I found myself not able to substitute him with few simple strums from my guitar.
I kept walking until I randomly hit something on my feet, making me look up reflexively... The park... how did I end up here?
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I didn't even get it. I had no clue of why my feet brought me here. Was it because that this place would calm me down?
Or it would only remind me of him spending time with me together?
At least, there weren't many people here. So I could enjoy myself... with my guitar I had, and the calmness around me.
I decided to take off my mask and my hat... I didn't care about 'hiding' anymore... screw privacy, screw being an idol.
I was tired of it.
Tiredly, I got myself a seat on one of the park inclines... and tried to relax myself on the grass with the cold breeze passing through my face.
I still wanted to cry, yet nothing came out of my eyes. My heart was still hurt, yet I couldn't get anything done to deal with it... so I started doing what I did with my guitar. (No, not slamming it).
I sat up straight with my guitar and started playing it, slowly... gently... and put my heart into it, as if it was my last time I could play.
Though I was playing it randomly, strummed the guitar with every melody that came out of my empty mind...
I closed my eyes, trying to clear my head. Yet his face was the one I imagined... his face when he was happy, when he was laughing with me...
When we spent our quality times together. Even if we hadn't spent our time that much, I felt like I had lost so many things.
