Burn to ash

Chapter 16

Chapter Text
The band has a week break between the European and American legs of the tour, and as it approached, Louis told himself that it was a good thing. Maybe it wouldn't be terrible to get some space, some perspective and come back feeling a bit less like he was constantly drowning in Harry.

He'd been afraid a week wouldn't be enough time, with all the catchup he had to do back in London. But the seven day break actually dragged by, each day seeming longer than the last.

By the time he's on the plane to America, he's a mess. A restless, impatient, way-too-desperate-to-see-Harry mess. It turns out that after a five year drought, the literal worst thing in the world to deal with is seven more days.

Louis doesn't know how he's become so dependent again, and part of him is frightened that he's right back where he was the first time, so much of his happiness revolving around one Harry Styles, but there's also a part of him that's pretty much come to terms with it.

He can't imagine a world where he doesn't love Harry.

So when he finally lands in New York, Louis feels like while the week wasn't all that great, it's still filled him with purpose. He knows what he wants, and he's the closest he's ever been to accepting it.

It's definitely a little ironic because America has never been one of Louis' favorite places. He's visited very rarely over the last five years, preferring to stay almost exclusively in England. Of course that could have also been because once he and Harry weren't together anymore, he didn't have a single reason to go to LA.

He'd still kept his visits to a minimum, only flying in when there was a situation that absolutely demanded his presence-and since that almost never happened, it's been years since he's been back in America.

Louis knows it's probably unfair to blame a whole country of people for the horrible predicament he and Harry ended up in-not just closeted, but aggressively, stifling closeted. It wasn't the Americans fault they were apparently so close-minded that he'd been forced into a three year long public "relationship" that was completely opposite of what his real relationship was like.

Objectively he knows it would only have been a matter of time before the closeting began in earnest, but for years, he's maintained this very bitter, extremely cynical view of the United States.

When he and the lads walk onto the stage in New York for the first song, Louis is completely blown away by the response of the crowd.

The audiences in Europe and the UK were great, but he's been trained for so long to believe that Americans are the worst of the lot that he's astonished by the level of support. By the number of rainbows scattered through the crowd. He's not prepared for the level of hysteria he creates just by glancing in Harry's direction.

They don't just accept him and Harry for who they are, they love them as they are and it's a revelation.

When the show finally ends, Louis' pulse is beating hard, thumping in his chest, ringing in his ears. He feels like he could take on the world right now and nobody could stop him.

He can't imagine going to bed, or going back to the hotel, or even just bumming around the venue. They're in New York. He wants to go a club and dance until he's literally brimming with the exhilaration rushing through his veins.

They're in the green room, gathering their things, and Harry sidles over, and Louis wants to giggle because he tries to look so cool and casual, but he can't hide the sheer want that's burning in his eyes and imprinted on his face.

He's always loved just how transparent Harry is, but since he came back, his honesty has kind of scared Louis.

Louis surprises himself with the realization that he isn't scared anymore.