Burn to ash

Chapter 18

Everything hits the fan a month before the tour ends.

The tentative plan is to take a few weeks break after the end of the tour and then to reconvene in London to start-or Louis supposes to finish-recording the album.

While Louis knows it's a mistake to rush things with Harry, he can't help but feel time ticking away a little bit, getting away from him, every day and every show closer to the end reminding him that there's a very finite limit on the time where they'll be practically in each other's pockets.

He knows even when they're not touring, there's no reason why they can't hang out together, but when they're on tour, it's practically a necessity. Back home, they'll have to make plans for it to happen. And plans seem so . . . official.

Every day when Louis wakes up to a new city, he tells himself that today is the day he's going to sit down with Harry and they're going to hash this out. They're going to figure out what's going on between them and what they want to happen. Louis is going to have to figure out how to forgive Harry. Nevermind what forgiving Harry might feel like.

Every day he puts it off because well . . . Louis isn't exactly sure. Probably because he's a chicken shit.

But there's just about four weeks left when he's sitting in his hotel room on their night off, contemplating the TV and the room service menu and also contemplating calling up Harry and asking him what he's doing. They could share a meal pretty platonically right?

Louis thinks they probably could. It's not out of the realm of possibility.

But before he can move towards his phone and turn the vague idea in his head into something concrete, there's a loud, insistent knock on the door.

He jerks it open and Liam is standing there, and instantly he knows something is wrong.

"What happened?" Louis demands before Liam can even get a word out. For half a second, it's five years ago again and Harry's missing and they need to find him before he runs off or drinks too much or does something else stupid.

But Liam's face isn't that serious. He's clearly concerned but it's not bad enough for Louis to worry that something truly awful has happened.

Like maybe Harry relapsing.

Liam collapses on the bed. "The divorce leaked."

"Oh." Louis doesn't really know what to say. Like, he loves Liam, he really does. He wants to help. But navigating that whole disastrous mess that's Liam-Sophia-Zayn-Perrie these days is something he can't handle. He feels like he'd just say the wrong thing anyway.

"Yeah it's gonna be in the papers tomorrow," Liam says glumly.

"Well, it can't be so bad, yeah?"

"Except everyone will know just how much of a fuck up I am." Liam, who has the least reason in the world to be down on himself, has never managed to get past that sixteen year old kid who was bullied. Louis has always wanted to track those kids down and beat some sense into them. But really, what's done is done. Hurting them now doesn't fix how Liam is, or how poorly he thinks of himself sometimes.

It just sucks because Liam is the glue that holds them together, that has always held them together. He's the kindest, nicest, most loyal person that Louis has ever met. He deserves more than anyone to be happy, but of course, that doesn't seem to be in the cards for him.

"It's not your fault that you and Sophia didn't work out." Louis knows it's really a mistake to even go down this path. But he's really not in the mood for another workout. He still feels vaguely sore from the last one. So he can't exactly suggest bicep curls or some cardio to distract Liam from everything that's gone wrong with his life.