Dimensions Of The Heart

Denial

Everywhere he looks, his gaze eternally searches for that bright burning star-
 
His world, his Sun- he searches for mischievous silver eyes, and a blazing smile-
 
And finds nothing
 
No one 
 
Hearing faint whispers on wind
 
His mind conjures images, mirages of twinkling starlit silver eyes-so mischievous-so lively 
 
Brave and kind
 
His sees faint images of this person by his side, smiling and chatting away like nothing was wrong 
 
Or walking towards him, still with a wide smile, waving exciting-a bounce of happiness forever in each of his steps
 
Boisterous laughter sounding like a melody to his ears
 
This person drives his heart mad to insanity, pounding and bleeding out drum beats of love so fiercely like a bird against his ribcage-wanting to fly free and escape-
 
To embrace the Sun
 
Everywhere he turns, everywhere he looks, even when he closes his eyes this person's presence is always there 
 
Yet when he reaches out to this person-the person his heart and soul cry out for in endless agony and silence-his lips trembling with this persons name hanging on his lips like a plea, a prayer-
 
When he reaches out, tries this grasp this person close, to love, to hold, to protect-
 
He grasps at nothing but wisps of air-fading imagery of a mirage
 
A phantom, ghost like presence that had never really been there, beside him.
 
A figment of imagination-not reality-the figment changes morphing into his love-when he was overshadowed by resentment and darkness-a pained bitter laugh
 
-a cruel depreciating smirk-or a vacant lost gaze and pale face as he knelt before him
 
-saying "get lost"-over and over-the last time he ever saw this person alive-tinted with insanity-sorry and madness-
 
Right. 
 
This person. He was gone. 
 
[I]Gone gone gone gone
 
Lost 
 
Body devoured alive
 
Shredded to nothing
 
[I]Dead. 
 
His world ceased to exist, his sun blotted out by a blanket of endless darkness-
 
[I]His heart had stopped, his life had parted from his very soul-that person-his life-
 
Was long Dead and Gone. 
 
He bowed his head, blooded fingertips straining on the echoing thrum of an instrument, the guqin-calling out to that person-
 
To his soul- pleading for his return-
 
Each day, each week, each month, each year-
 
There was never a reply to his inquiry-
 
Never an answer
 
Still, still-he could not let go of this person, would not-refused to.
 
Even if it was a lie he indulged in-it was all he had to keep going-
 
Even though he knew he may never get a reply, 
 
No answer to the call to his lost love
 
A voice long silent and faded
 
His love would never cease, 
 
Even if it was a dream
 
Wishful thinking-
 
He looked back up into that beautiful, bewitching mirage- even if he could never speak to this person nor touch him-
 
This person, this phantom imagery, his person
 
He was content to never wake up
 
So long as he could forever keep this person
 
His heart
 
Forever by his side
 
Always. 
 
Please, never let him wake up from this dream.