The Habits of My Heart

Jordan

"I cannot believe that you gave them that song!" I shouted, stomping through the house. I found Aimie sitting the couch, flipping through a magazine. When I came into the room, her head shot up to look at me, her eyes wide. I stomped right her up her, throwing my hands on my hips angrily.

"Yes, I gave them the song. What's wrong with that?" she asked. I frowned, my facial expressions showing my agitation.

"You did not have the right. And you knew that I didn't think it was ready!" I replied.

"Obviously they thought it was ready because they are recording it!" she said, the volume of her voice raising.

"That doesn't matter! It wasn't ready, and I wasn't ready to give it to them, but you went behind my back and did it anyways!" I argued. She looked at me with her jaw clenched before sighing deeply.

"I'm sorry, okay. But I thought it was ready, and I knew that if I didn't give it to them, you never would. It is a wonderful song, Jordan. And I really wanted them to be able to hear it," she told me. I tried not to be angry at her anymore.

"I understand. But I'm not mad about you giving it to them, I guess. I just don't want to hear it recorded," I said. Her brow furrowed in confusion.

"What do you mean?" she asked, puzzled.

"I don't want to hear Luke sing that song, Aimie. Because if he does, I don't know if I can handle it," I told her, my voice almost a whisper. Her face instantly became sad.

"Jordan, I'm sorry. But why didn't you say anything? And why didn't you tell Luke?" she asked me.

"Tell Luke what?" I questioned. She sighed.

"Tell Luke how you feel," she answered.

"Aimie, I did. I told him how I felt," I said. Her brow furrowed in confusion again.

"Then why did you leave so abruptly?" she asked. I looked down at my hands, beginning to feel uncomfortable. How do I tell her? This is something I've kept bottled up for almost two months.

"Because I told him that I needed time by myself," I whispered. I hoped she hadn't heard it, but when she stood up suddenly, her face filled with anger, I knew that she had.

"What?" she exclaimed. I looked her in the eyes; her irises seemed to be on fire.

"I told him that I couldn't be with him right now!" I shouted back. She was caught off guard and stepped back a bit. I rubbed my face with my hands in exasperation.

"Why would you do that?" she asked, her voice filled with worry.

"I don't know, in all honesty. I just didn't think that I would be able to leave here to explore the world with him again. I've created something here that I really like, and I thought that leaving that might make me the person I was before. The person I really hated," I told her. She gave me a sympathetic look before pulling me into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry I pushed you to that. Just feel a lot better, okay?" she said. I nodded, knowing that as soon as that song was released, there was nothing I was going to be able to do to stop the negative feelings that would soon be coming to me.