The Habits of My Heart

Jordan

"What do you mean you're leaving?" Aimie shouted at me, following me into my room so I could pack the boxes down the stairs.

"I mean, I'm leaving, Aimie.  I'm going back to Australia," I told her.

"What the fuck ever possessed you to do that?" she asked, still shouting.  I picked up a box labeled "Books."  It was much heavier than I thought it was going to be, but I sure as hell didn't let Aimie know that.  

"I have to," I replied, pushing past her and going out the door.  She followed me down the steps, her feet thumping behind me.

"Why do you have to?  Seriously, why the fuck do you have to leave?" she said.  I rolled my eyes.  She was taking this in the wrong way.  

"Because I just have to.  That's what I have to do,"  I said.  I made it down the steps and out the front door to where the moving truck was.  I was putting all of my furniture and things in it.  Actually, scratch that.  The movers were putting my furniture in it, and I was putting boxes in it.  My flight to Sydney was going to be leaving in about five hours.  I only had a few more boxes to pack into the truck before I would head off to the airport.

"But why?  Why do you have to?" she pressed.  I handed the box to one of the movers, thanking  him as he stacked it in the truck.  I spun on my heels, facing her.  Her face was filled with shock.

"Because I need to be alone for a little while," I told her.

"Jesus Christ, Jay.  What the fuck else could you need to be alone from?  You up and quit the band.  You left your family in New York.  You left your family in Sydney.  And now you're leaving me?" she accused.

"I'm not leaving you, Aimie," I told her.  She scoffed.

"Okay, then what the fuck is this then!" she shouted.  "You are literally packing up your things and flying to the other end of the world, where you will live!  Is that not leaving?" 

"The difference between you and the band is that I'm not leaving you for good," I told her.  She furrowed her brow.

"You're leaving the band for good?" she said, confused.  I sighed, rubbing my face with my hands.  This was stressing me out substantially.

"I still don't know.  Maybe that's another thing I need to figure out while I'm away.  And, Aimie, this is good for you too.  You're cancer free.  And you've basically been following me around.  Figure out what you want," I told her.

"That is a shitty reason to leave, and you know that," she said.  I nodded.  

"Yeah, I know.  But it's the best reason I've got.  I promise, I won't forget about you as long as you don't forget about me, alright?" I said.  She closed her eyes.  A tear slid down her left cheek, and I instantly felt horrible.  Why was I doing this?

"Alright," she said finally.  I gave her a sympathetic smile, and she opened her eyes before pulling me into a huge hug.  I wrapped my arms tightly around her, breathing in her scent.  I wouldn't see her for God knows how long.   At least until I got on my feet.  

"This isn't goodbye forever, okay?" I told her.  I felt her nod against my shoulder.  I pulled away from the hug, my hands still placed on her shoulders.  "You are my best friend, and I love you.  Alright?"

"I love you too," she said, tears streaming down her face.  I kissed her cheek when I felt someone's hand on my shoulder.  I spun around to see one of the movers.

"Miss, everything is out of the room," he said.  I nodded.  It was time to go.  My duffle bag sat on the passenger seat of the car I had rented.  I didn't want anyone to take me into the airport.  It would create too much of a hassle.  

"Thank you.  I think that's all," I told him.  He nodded and gave me a smile before going back to the truck and closing the main door.  This was it.

"Goodbye, Jay," Aimie said.  I turned to her.  

"Goodbye, Aimie," I replied.  She gave me a small smile before pulling me into another hug.  I could feel the tears coming to my eyes as I wrapped my arms tightly around her.  I reluctantly pulled away, walking to the car and driving away for good.