Innocent: Spencer Reid ✔️

{34} Million Reasons

t h i r t y   f o u r
S p e n c e r
f i c t i o n

I sit down on the uncomfortable hospital chair next to Avery's bed, where she sleeps soundly. Her arms resting by her side, just like the last time I was here, wires and tubes surrounding her body to keep her alive. Savannah says she's still breathing, with help from the nasal cannula. I won't ask how long she'll be in here for, because they don't know. And neither do I. I take her limp hand in mine and entwine our fingers, tears pricking in my eyes as she doesn't respond to my touch.

"No, baby you're not gonna die. They're coming, you just need to stay awake for me."

My own words ring in my ears as I look at Avery. I can't even look at her for longer than a few seconds because I know I could've helped her more. I could've stopped the bleeding quicker, I could've kept her awake long enough for the ambulance to get to her. I do what I usually do and press a kiss to her temple, "hey baby. I'm back again, and this time...I brought Chinese." I do it whenever I'm back from a case, knowing sometimes I'm too tired to cook something, I buy myself Chinese or find something leftover in the fridge. I'll then come here in hopes I've missed a call from the hospital telling me she's woken up. She never has. She never even moves, she's always in the exact same position.

Sometimes I'll curl up on the bed with her until it's time to leave, other times I'll read to her, or talk to her about how the newest case we've worked had gone. She never responded to my stories. She stayed limp—almost lifeless. Depending on the cause and the damage done, a coma can occur rapidly or gradually, and it can last from several days to several years. Most are common to last a few weeks. Avery's been in hers for three weeks now, and I'm hoping any day she'll wake up and envelope me in her arms.

I want to desperately feel her touch. I don't want to hold her motionless hand. I want her to kiss me back, I want her to tell me everything will be okay.

I've barely slept. When I have I've dreamt about Avery. They aren't nightmares as such, it's the waking up that's the nightmare. I dream about what it will feel like in a few years to come, Avery and I might still be together. We would be happy, we wouldn't even be separated from one another. But then I'll wake up and remember that Avery's in a coma, and that we aren't happy. I'll remember that Avery might never wake up, and I'll be left grieving again.

She looks so peaceful in this bed. Almost like there's no harm that could ever come at her to tear her apart. She looks like an Angel. My Angel. I always end up crying when I visit Avery, because I wish she would talk back to me. I wish she would say something witty or funny—something that would make me smile.

———

"You're so beautiful." I muttered against her lips, the flicker of a smile creeped onto her face. "So fucking beautiful." I tipped her chin up to take her bottom lip between my teeth, tugging ever so slightly.

"Really? Even though I've got scars on my body?" She asked, pain in her tone. It hurts me to think she thinks badly of her body. She's beautiful how she is, scars or no scars.

"Your scars symbolise your survival. And when this is all over you will no longer have to survive, you get to live. They show the world how brave you were to keep fighting when you were most weak and vulnerable. Anybody who tells you different has never been through true pain. You don't have to take it from me because I haven't been locked away for years, you can only believe what you want to believe. You're beautiful, and the scars just add to your beauty." There are tears in her eyes, when she blinked they fell down her nose. "I love you baby." I whispered, brushing my nose against hers.