Innocent: Spencer Reid ✔️

{36} Say Something

t h i r t y s i x . o n e
S p e n c e r
f i v e

Get off the jet. Change at home depending on my mood. If I'm too tired I won't go home because I'll be too tempted by my bed to visit Avery. Grab some food—I'm trying to eat healthier so it's mainly salad. Trip to the hospital, spending as much time there as possible before I'm sent home by the one and only Savannah.

It's been like this for five weeks now. We're into the terrific middle number between 1 and 10–number five. Avery should have woken up by now. It's common that most coma patients wake up within their first month. This isn't normal. So I've started pretending to be asleep to guarantee maximum time with Avery before I have to leave for work. I think Savannah is catching on. She dates a profiler—of course she can see the signs that my breathing isn't calm when I fake my slumber.

I stab my fork into a thin slice of cucumber, grimacing as I lift the plastic cutlery to eye level. "I fucking hate you. You taste fucking disgusting." I swear, before shoving it into my mouth. After the third mouthful I grow bored, leaning back in the chair. I notice it's been replaced from the uncomfortable one, to a softer material. Thanks, Savannah. I stab at my salad again, a slice of red tomato clinging to the spikes of my fork. "And you too. You taste better mushed up in pasta."

I would like to think the boredom of having a girlfriend in a coma isn't getting to me. I don't think anyone understands how much I want to take her out on a date, to laugh with her again. To cuddle up in bed while we watch another boring Disney movie. I actually didn't mind Mary Poppins, I just wish I could get the song Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious out of my head.

"Okay, I'm full." I place the half eaten plastic bowl of salad on the floor which I won't eat again and sigh, leaning back in my chair. "You know, this last case has been really fucked up. It's fine, it's all good. I'll get over it."

I sit up, "with your help, so y'know you gotta wake up Princess. You gotta help me through it. Give me those...head massages for my headaches, you know?" I poke her arm, desperate for any sign of movement in return. I wait for a minute or so, hopeful. Nothing comes back to me though, I'm sat in silence.

"We couldn't save them." My voice breaks, "these...kids we couldn't...five children. Five. We had to tell their parents they died. They..." I cover my face with my hands as I finally let the tears I never wanted to let out, fall. I've built them up over the last week as we entered the fifth. My shoulders shake as I cry, now once the tears have started, they won't stop.

"They were all so innocent, begging for our help and we couldn't...I mean we could have. We could have tried, but we didn't. We had to watch as that warehouse burnt down. We had to listen to their screaming and JJ...God she couldn't do it." I wipe away my tears as I rest my elbows on my knees, and my head in my hands. I cover my mouth as if I were praying as I steady my crying and breathing.

"I wanted to run in there...I always want to at least try but this...urge to run in there it was strong. Why was it so strong? I guess it's because after you...God after you told me about being infertile things have been different. You always wanted to save that baby and suddenly I just wanted to save these kids more than anything. For you." I sob, unable to tear my eyes away from her still, resting face. She looks so beautiful when she sleeps, I always knew that.

"I wanted to come back here and tell you that I saved five kids. That the team helped reunite five families. I wanted you to be awake, Avery. I can't do any of this without you I can't keep pretending I'm okay because...I'm not!" I cover my face with my hands again, back to my uncontrollable sobbing. "I need you, I need you I kept saying that! I needed you, Averlyn! On the jet back, everywhere! I needed you when that building was burning down. I needed to hold you I...I wanted to just hold you." My voice is muffled by my hands as I uncontrollably sob, the raging thoughts in my head screaming as loud as possible.