WARNING- Cutting apples in this story and may trigger the want to cut. If you do feel that need, TALK TO ME!!!!! I know what it's like to want to cut. It's a constant thing I go through. Talk to me. Follow me on twitter and send me a DM. I will reply 80% of the time the 20% I when I'm in school but I will reply when I get one the bus! Promise! School isn't in right now. You have my full attention until January 8, 2013. Love you! Do not cut!
Niall's POV-
There they are... Again. The comments:
I hate you.
You're so ugly.
Leave One Direction! They're better off with out you!
You're holding them back!
You are better off dead!
Kill yourself already.
The last one is something I want to do but my boyfriends hold me back from it. But soon, I don't think they will even keep me from it.
They don't know it but I am on the verge of suicide.
They make me want to live. But the reasons to die are getting stronger. They are all I have left. When I told my parents I was gay, they kicked me out and told me not to come back. That was three months ago.
I came out to the world a month ago and everyone is now sending me hate. Even though there are five people in my relationship, they only know I'm gay. The other boys stay in the closet.
My boyfriends: Lili/Daddy Direction/Liam, Lou/Boobear/loubear/boo/Louis, Haz/Hazzy/Hazza/Harry, Z/zizi/Zayn. I smile thinking about them. I love them all so much and leaving them would hurt.
They're all I have. I love them so much. I so don't deserve them. They're hot and great singers and funny. And I'm just fat, ugly, an okay singer and i can't tell a decent joke, there's bother special about me the way they are special.
I went into the bathroom and pulled out my razor. The blade. My escape. I took a look at the clean and sharp edge, admiring it.
The boys were all asleep as it was 5 am. But I can't sleep. I haven't slept well in the past three weeks.
I pulled the blade to my wrist and watched with morbid fascination as the blood seeped out of my skin. I took the blade up and put it back down in another spot. Again, the blood leaked out of the skin and I looked at it admiringly. For the third time this morning, I pressed the blade to my wrist and just gazed as the maroon color slipped through the cut.
I washed the blade with rubbing alcohol. Then put the cuts under the sink and rinsed them. I hid the blade, getting ready to take care of the cuts. I hear my name called.
I rushed out of my bathroom and put on the first sweater I saw. Just in time for my door to burst open reveling a happy Lou.
"Hi Loubear!" I said as happily as I could.
"Baby Nando's! Time for breakfast!" He came up to me and kissed me I kissed him back. He put his tongue on my bottom lip and I opened my mouth for him. Our tongues battled and his won, exploring my mouth. He pushed me on my bed with out breaking the kiss. My arms wrapped around his head and my hands tangled into his hair. His hands on my hips. He grabbed the bottom of my jumper and pulled it over my head and threw it across the room. He reattached his lips to mine. Me being shirtless. He pulled away quietly.
"Boo, what's wrong?" He turned and looked at my hand still not saying anything but now he had tears in his eyes. "Oh my god." He said under his breath as tears poured over both of our cheeks.
"My baby!" He attacked me in a big hug and I sobbed into his shirt. Liam and Zayn came rushing into my room along with Harry. "Guys what's wrong?" Liam asked as the guys came into the room.
Zayn pulled Louis into his lap. And Harry pulled me into his lap but facing the other guys. That made about thirty red lines appear to the rest of the guys who burst into tears along with me. All the guys tried to hug me at the same time, causing a large mess.
We all pulled away as soon as my phone went off. Me being in the other side of the bed, Louis grabbed it. "N-Niall's got fanm-mail on t-twitter." He said still trying to form whole sentences without crying. I'm grateful the guys haven't asked me about IT yet. "@NiallOffical leave 1D and just kill yourself you fat and ugly bastard." Louis read aloud expecting it to be good. I start crying again just to be pulled into more giant hugs. "They're wrong Niall, you're amazing, we love you so much and wouldn't be able to live without you. If you were to die, I'd kill myself too. So If you love me, you won't kill yourself." Louis looked me into eyes his voice cracking. I attacked him in a huge hug. Whispering "I love you" over and over.
And we sat like that for a couple minutes, cuddling and saying "I love you" a bunch of times.
We were comfortable an we had gotten out tears to stop. Then the smoke alarm went off and Haz and Lou jumped out of bed. "OUR BREAKFAST!!" Liam got up and Zayn stayed with me I got up to go with them, Zayn pulled me into his lap. He scooted over so I was on the bed next to him. His arm was around me and his other grabbed my hand. He looked down at me, and I looked up at him. "Niall, I love you so much. I love everything about you even these scars on your wrist." He took my forearm up to his lips and kissed each scar before kissing me passionately. "These scars are beautiful."
A/N: :'( so sad! The fact that Niall or any of the boys may actually think about themselves like this is saddening to me! I'm bestbee9 on twitter DM me if you need to talk!
