Imposible Love(Slow updates)

Chapter 11

Jessica's P.O.V

Do you ever feel like you have no control over your life? Like your entire life has been planned out for you since the day your family found out you're not "normal"?

What is the definition of "normal" anyway? Is it doing what society finds to be "the norm"? Or is it doing things you enjoy doing because they make you happy? Or maybe what your family and friends say "is being you"? Maybe being "normal" is doing what everybody expects you to do, it may be taking over your parents' business because it is in your blood, maybe it's hiding your deepest darkest desires because of people always being judgemental about what they don't understand, or it might be the fact that you have to hide yourself and your personality from those you love because of fear of not getting their support.

"Normal" can mean a lot of things. It can be your day to day routine, the cafe you usually visit for your lunch break, or maybe it's talking to your significant other after a long day at work, maybe is coming home to your pet and having a personal night after work with movies and snacks. No matter what, there will always be a definition of "normal."

And just like there is "normal", there is also "abnormal." People who show who they are, their flaws, their insecurities, their deepest darkest desires. These people are what society calls abnormal. People with disabilities, mental disorders, kinks. Things they are born with and cannot control, such as sexuality and/or personality. These people I call brave. They are brave because they have the capacity to be open about who they are and don't care about the consequences or their society's judgment and use it as fuel to keep going, they keep their heads up high because they know that no matter what, they can't change who they are and/or how they were born.

I'd say I'm a pretty weak girl. All of my life has consisted of what I can or cannot do. Whatever is "the best for me" just because I'm not your usual twenty-three-year-old woman. I was diagnosed with OCD at the age of ten and have been struggling with it ever since. For most of my life, my parents tried to "cure" me. They got the best doctors who gave me weird medicine per my parents' order; I have never had a normal life, I was homeschooled up until I was eighteen and moved in with my brother Raymond and he paid for my college tuition where I met Samantha.

I never had any friends before Samantha because they all would think I was weird because of my need to constantly keep things clean and tidy otherwise, it'd be a disaster; my chest would start hurting and my breathing would get irregular. Nobody has ever made me feel normal or comfortable, except for Samantha and Raymond.

That was of course until he came along and dragged me out of that godforsaken basement.

Tomas.

Although he was very scary, I couldn't help but feel safe with him. I knew deep down that he wouldn't hurt me, I knew he'd protect me from anything that wanted to cause me harm and although I was glad to be out of there, part of me missed him. Now that Samantha and I would go back to them for the weekend, a big part of me is scared of seeing him again; however, another, very small part of me, is giddy and excited to be able to see him one more time. This time I'll make it count.

He will not see me as the girl that has cleaning problems. He will see me as Jessica the quirky small girl. I'll make sure of it.