𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐄 ✔︎ ━ 𝖱𝖨𝖣𝖣𝖫𝖤

𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘-𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄: 𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃

TW!: Mentions of suicide.

When I arrived back in the Ravenclaw common room all was quiet.

Kiara and Cho slept peacefully, their rhythmic breaths peaceful and sound.

I snuck in quietly and sat my bag by my bed. I wasn't even in the mood to unpack. I was tired and had lots to think about— mostly about the fact that it seems like both Nicholas and Zachary want me, but do I want them, or even one of them?

I know my fate is either death or marriage, but that just doesn't feel right to me. None of this feels right. From the moment I arrived at Hogwarts I feel like I've been targeted.

Just as I was about to get into bed I decided not to. Instead I'd take my thoughts up to the astronomy tower. I grabbed a jacket and left the Ravenclaw dormitory.

I clambered up the metal stairs, not even caring about the amount of noise I was making. There was so much on my mind it was nearly impossible to care about anything else.

I rested my elbows on the ledge of the tower and rested my chin on my hands. The cold air blew my hair and bit at my face. But oddly the coldness was refreshing.

I stared down at the forest below, though I couldn't see much due to the dull moonlight that casted over the land.

I was finally allowing me to feel bad for myself, and it felt good. I was so focused on not dying that even my own intuition and thoughts got caught up in the process.

Now my worry is not dying, it's a ring that will be forever stained onto my finger the moment I say 'I do'. What would my parents think of this? What will they do when they realize their only child has been wed before eighteen?

My whole life is swirling between the souls of four guys I know nothing about. I'm losing my friends, I'm losing myself, I'm losing my will.

Eventually my head became too loud for me to bare. I couldn't put up with it anymore. I couldn't put up with the fact that if I finally choose my suitor I will never, ever be able to do anything without their agreement.

I'll be prisoner in my own head, my own body.

I gritted the edge of the freezing railing. I didn't even think about what I was about to do, I just wanted to finally be able to stop thinking, even for a second.

I put one foot on the pole of the fence railing, then my other. Two more steps and I'd be at the top.

I lifted my right foot up again, steadying myself by clenching the railing for dear life. I was about to make my final step onto the railing when a voice called my name.

"Anastasia?" He spoke, voice dark against the cold air. I froze. I knew who's voice that was; Nicholas'. I knew it was him and he knew it was me.

"Get down from there!" He shouted. I could feel his footsteps coming closer. But I didn't want to stop. I put my other foot on, bringing me up to the top of the fence.

I let go and turned my head toward him. My feet were pointed toward the forest below, and my arms were out to keep my balance. The moment I let my hands touch my side I'd be unbalanced; falling.

"Don't do it." Nichols said firmly. But it wasn't enough to stop me.

I let my arms drop, and the wind took my body seconds later. I was falling into the cold air, into the darkness. I didn't know what awaited me, but I knew it would be better than my fate.

But I didn't make it far enough.

A hand grabbed mine at the last second before my body would've fallen completely past the fence of the astronomy tower. I snapped my head up to see Nicholas, staring down at me.

He pulled me up by my hand, through the fence railing that I tipped over. He grabbed my other hand and grappled me back up to the solid ground.

I was crying at that point, staring up at the dark night sky. I just wanted everything to be over. But crying felt good to do.

Nicholas stood up next to me, and a few moments later I stood up too. I knew he was disappointed in my choices, so was I, but only a little bit.

"Why, Anastasia? Why would you do that?" He asked quietly. I refused to look at him. I kept my eyes peeled on my feet. Tears streamed down my face, but I didn't care I was crying in front of him.

"Because I have two paths. I can die, or I can get married. Neither of those are okay." I replied quietly. We stood in silence for a moment, then he spoke again.

"Look at me." He whispered. I hesitated for a moment, but in a few moments I did. His eyes were full of worry, and even his starry blue eyes were pooling with tears. 

"I would never, ever do that to you, Anastasia. I don't want your power, your glory, I want you. I want you to be safe." He whispered. I pinched my eyebrows together in response.

"If you choose someone else to love, I don't care, it's up to you, but know one thing. I will never marry you unless you want it to happen." He finished, tucking strand of brown hair behind my ear.

I almost couldn't believe it. A sudden river of relief coursed through me. It was an unbelievably forgiving feeling; to know at least one person in this terrible place cares about me.

I wrapped my arms around his body. He did the same, pulling me so close I could feel the warmth emitting from his body. I cried into his shoulder, and he cried into mine.

It was strange to see him cry, but it was also beautiful. We shared the same sadness; me.

I don't know how long we hugged for, but it was enough for me to realize that I was finally hopeful for something- someone. I finally had a chance to pick my life again.

"You're to good for me, Anastasia. You're too good for this world." He whispered into my ear. I cried a little harder. That was purely the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Ever.

"This unfair world has at least taught me one thing." I said softly, pulling back from the hug. He studied my eyes and I studied his; the almost metallic blue eyes that reflect an ocean.

"What?" He asked. I pulled a small smile over my face, then wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"It has taught me that life is unpredictable, but you find the best people while facing the worst fates." I replied quietly. He smiled, sharing my same sad-smile. It was a refreshing thing.

I stepped closer, turning my eyes to his lips; rosy. I looked back up at him. Can I? I almost wanted to ask, but then I remembered I like to be surprising.

I placed my hand on his cheek and kissed his lips with mine. He was surprised, for a moment, but then placed his hand just behind my ear.

Despite the past, despite the uncertainty of the future, I still managed to find something in that moment.

I pulled my lips away and stared at him for a moment. This only lasted until he wrapped his arms around me and brought me back into another hug.

He hugged me so tight; like he thought I'd disappear.

***

yeah i cried while writing this chapter.. yes roslyn by lykke li was also playing while i wrote it..