Full Exclusive Rights (bxb)

23. He's Yours

   It seems my life is finally on track. 

   Who would've known that crossing half the globe, going through weeks of cultural shock and a panic attack will finally raise me on my feet. 

   I get along pretty well with most of the people in my educational program and feel more and more relaxed. The fits of anxiety and mood fluctuations I used to suffer are almost gone. I'm getting more accustomed to my new environment with each passing day.

   We still have lectures only in the morning. All my afternoons are free. We often explore the town with Emma, go to movies and hang out with Jamie and Lucky whom I can now safely call my good friends.

   Em, who's still not attending school, comes with us for lunch or for a quick drink in the evening sometimes. 

   We talk about the rehearsals and his busy schedule with the band which won't become better before the beginning of the actual performances in the middle of October. There are only three weeks left until the opening. He refuses, however, to tell me more about the type of music they play. I know it's alternative rock but would like to learn details. "You'll see," he vaguely answers with a meaningful grin, "when you come to our first gig."

   I tell him about school and how my day has been. He asks me loads of questions about my life in Japan and soaks in everything I tell him but is careful never to dig into things that are too personal.

   He's as hot as always but often looks exhausted. This doesn't prevent him from being gentle and attentive, always holding my hand, stroking my cheeks and kissing my forehead. The more time we spend together, the more I fall for him. 

   I get the feeling though that he's somehow distant, never teasing me the way he did on the beach. We've never kissed on the lips or defined what we actually are. He has never asked me to go out, only the two of us. It's always the whole crew. 

   I can't help but wonder whether he finally realized that I'm too difficult to handle and decided gradually to push me away and save himself from too much trouble. I wouldn't blame him. I did more than enough to make my emotional problems obvious.

   But it still hurts.

   The uncertainty bothers me. Sometimes, I torture myself with the thought that I may have lost him, even before anything happened between us. Other times, I persuade myself that it's better this way. It's clear that we're completely different and it wouldn't have worked anyway.

 I try hard to convince myself that we're better off being just friends. But how can I be simply a friend to someone that makes my head spin just by sitting next to me?

   It's Friday again. I and Emma are on my balcony as usual, drinking cocktails in the warm evening.

   "Are you out of your mind?" she bellows, looking at me in dismay when I share my thoughts with her.

   "He told you he liked you only a week ago and came to have lunch with you two times in five days despite his busy schedule, not to mention the evenings we spent together." She points her finger at me. "Don't you dare shrink in again and let your insecurities ruin your chance with Em!"

   "But he hasn't even kissed me," I protest. "We've never been on a date."

   "What? He's touchy and sweet, and kisses you all the time," Emma shakes her head in disbelief.

   "On the forehead," I huff.

   "Yeah, because it takes both parties to do something for more," she points. "You have to give him a sign that you want this to happen. He's not the kind of person to force himself on you. Stop being so shy and guarded. Open up a bit." She squeezes my hand, "Sunny, don't be afraid! Tell him you like him too. He's waiting for you to take some action."

   "What if it's not like that? What if he saw what a mess I was and doesn't want the trouble?"

   Emma rolls her eyes, "Silly!" 

   Then her face brightens as if she's found the solution. "Ok then, here's the deal. If you tell Em how you feel, I'll tell Lucky that I like him. What do you say?" She pushes her finger into my chest. "I challenge you."

   "No, Emma," I sigh. "You've nothing to lose. Lucky will return your feelings or remain just a friend. If it's the second, you'll overcome it. You're strong."

   "And what do you have to lose?" she raises her brows.

   "Everything," I drop down my head, "my last chance to be normal, this great opportunity you gave me to overcome the pain, to forget the..., the..." I feel the tears flooding my eyes. "I can't handle a rejection, Emma. It will break me. The worst part is that I don't think I can handle the acceptance either," I choke on my words.

   "No! Sunny, no!" Emma jumps from her chair and hugs the air out of me. "We're not going back to that, sweetie." She starts kissing my wet cheeks. "I'm not letting you go back to that shit. You're stronger now. You can do anything and nothing will break you anymore. You have friends. You have me. You have Em." 

   She grabs my shoulders and looks me directly in the eyes. "He's yours. He's just waiting for you to tell him that you want him. Please, don't give up!"

   Oh, what a mess! I try to smile, wiping my tears.

   "What would I do without you, Emma?" I sniff.

   "We'll never know that, right?" she smiles. "Come on, let's pick something killer sexy for you to wear at the party."

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A/N

Hello everyone who made it to the end of Chapter 23.

Thanks for reading and supporting! ❤❤❤

You're amazing!

Isn't Emma the best friend ever?

Has Em given up on Sunny?

What do you think?

Share your thoughts, ask questions and criticize if you feel like.

See you in the next chapter.

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Love: Anny