Full Exclusive Rights (bxb)

61. I'm Not Fragile

     Em starts kissing my chin and goes up my jawline to the sensitive spot behind my ear. His lips stay there longer, making me dizzy and flustered. I'm breathing heavily, on the verge of begging him to take me to his bedroom.

   "Did you dream of me, kitty?" he purrs seductively in my year.

   "I dream of... aaah... you... all the time," I barely mumble. He's sucking my earlobe, making it impossible to form an articulate answer.

   "What do you imagine us doing... exactly?" he asks, nesting between my thighs.

   His mouth crawls down my neck and over my Adam's apple. He is grinding on me. The bar stool is shaking and creaking. It turns me on even more for some reason. My mind is blurry by everything he is doing. I can't comprehend the question.

   "What do... you... mean?" I stutter, panting heavily.

   Em cups my cheeks in his palms and makes me raise my eyes to him, looking straight into them.

   "I'm asking what you need, kitty" he smirks. "Do you dream of being inside of me or want to feel me inside of you?" 

   He bites his lip and raises a brow in the most sinful expression I've ever seen, slowly adding, "Or, maybe, you want both?"

   The scorching shiver, that rushes through my body, can't be described in words. Everything in me suddenly bursts into flames. My jaw drops and my eyes widen. I feel the deep, red color, covering my whole face and neck. My breathing quickens. I squeeze the hem of his shirt. 

   Em's constant desire to make me say directly the things I want will surely make me faint someday.

   "I... I... need...," I'm putting tremendous efforts into saying it, but his dark, blue eyes, focused on mine just make me lose my mind. "I want... to...," I swallow nervously.

   Em presses his forehead to mine and gently whispers, "Just take a deep breath and say it, love. I need to hear it from you. You know that I'll give you everything you crave for."

   I close my eyes and breathe out, "I dream of feeling you inside of me."

   "Oh, sweet, sweet, sweet kitten!" he moans and starts kissing my lips feverishly.

   I slide my palms under his shirt. The sensation of his smooth, warm skin is incredible. I want it on mine. I'm so impatient to see him naked, that I start rolling the soft fabric up, trying to take it off.

   Em suddenly grabs my hands and pulls away. 

   I'm puzzled and stare at him in surprise.

   "Sunny, I want to make love to you more than anything," he breathlessly says. "But we're not going all the way tonight, sweetie. It doesn't mean we won't do many other things."

   "Don't worry. I've got condoms this time." I start to rummage in my pocket to find the small box and show it to him but he stops me.

   "It's not because of the condoms. We're just not doing it tonight because..."

   "What?" I squeak, not waiting for him to finish. 

   I feel the blood, withdrawing from my face and jerk my hands away from him, clutching them together to stop the severe shaking. 

   He thinks I'm still not ready. He thinks I still don't trust him. What if he just doesn't want it? 

   My confidence disappears in the blink of an eye. 

   What made me be so aggressive? This is not who I am. My stomach painfully shrinks.

   "Sunny, let me expl..."

   "I'm not fragile!" I shout, not letting him finish again. 

   "I might be emotionally unstable, but there's nothing wrong with my body," I bellow, feeling the urge to cry. 

   My eyes are firmly fixed on the floor. I wish I could disappear right on the spot.

   Somehow, I find the strength to add, "I haven't done it for three years, but I... I felt that... I was ready...I prepared... I didn't think... that... you... might not... want to do it... I...I am... sorry..." My voice fades. I'm desperately fighting the tears.

   "Sunny!" Em shakes me by the shoulders. I raise my eyes, startled. 

   "I'm an idiot," he groans. "Please, love, don't panic." 

   He gently unclutches my hands and starts kissing my fingers. "Oh, if you only knew how much I want to do it! I want you! I've never wanted anyone so bad. You see it, sweetie. Don't you feel it every second we're together?"

   I'm just staring at him, unable to utter a sound.

   "Making love to you for the first time means the world to me. I want you to feel me, not... some rubber." He takes a deep breath. "I was just going to offer you to go together to the medical center tomorrow and take all the necessary tests. I mean, you don't have just to believe my word about that. The results will be ready in few days. Then you will have me completely, with nothing between us." 

   He's looking at me anxiously. 

   "I intended to talk to you about this when we came, but then you just said those words and I totally lost control." He shakes his head, "I was stupid enough to bring it up in the worst possible moment."

   I feel Em's hands shaking and squeezing mine harder.

   "Please, kitty! Please, don't doubt that I'm dying to take you. I know that you're not fragile. You're absolutely perfect in every way." 

   He sighs in distress, waiting for some reaction from me.

   A huge wave of embarrassment engulfs me and makes me wince and close my eyes. 

   When on earth am I going to stop overreacting and making a fool of myself in front of him? 

   The meaning of his words finally fully soaks in my mind. My sweet, caring boyfriend thought about our safety and wanted to be with me without any barriers between us. I misunderstood, mistrusted and judged him wrongly again. I don't know what to say.

   I feel so guilty.

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A/N

Hello everyone at the end of Chapter 61!

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See you in the next chapter.

Love: Anny