Full Exclusive Rights (bxb)

26. I Can't Do This Anymore

   "Sunny, where are you going?" Em's husky voice makes me shiver.

   "I... I'm... just... inside," I stutter.

   His hands are still firmly gripping my waist. I quickly peak at him but then look down. The leather straps are gone and he's in a soft white shirt. It smells of lavender. I unconsciously breathe in deeply to take more of the soothing scent. 

   I know what I have to do. I should run as fast as I can, before it's too late, before I surrender to the tearing need to be with him and doom myself to destruction.

   There's some tension, lingering in the air. I sense it deep in my chest. 

   Something has changed. 

   Em's not relaxed and soft as before. His muscles are strained. His body reminds me of a tiger right before the jump. 

   He's holding me so close that I can feel the ripples of his chest through our clothes. It makes me dizzy, hesitant and weak.

   'Brace yourself! Give some believable excuse and run home!' I chant in my head. But I can't move. My legs are flaccid and do not obey me.

   The trembling of my hands transmits to the rest of my body. I'm still desperately squeezing the front of his shirt and can't let go.

   Em shakes his head, "You don't need to go inside now."

   "Why not?" is all I can blurt.

   "Because I'm here," he chuckles.

   "That's why I have to go" I barely utter.

   "Why do you want to run away from me, Sunny?" Em sighs. His lips brush my hair.

   My eyes are firmly pinned on the floor. I'm violently shaking all over. The tears are trying to escape down my face. I'm not even trying to answer. Doesn't he see it? Isn't it obvious how far I am from what he needs?

   I finally let go of his shirt and try to pull away. He tightens his grip. His hands move to my back, pressing me even closer. My cheek is on his chest. His heart is racing.

   "Don't," he whispers.

   His palm slides up to my neck. His fingers trace it, before burying in my hair. Strings of warmth dash down my spine.

   I want to hug him and run at the same time. The second is the right thing to do. I try to break free again.

   "Why, Sunny?" He's holding me back. "Why are you trying to push me away? Are you afraid of me? " 

     His lips touch my temple, making me gasp. The raging emotions crush my resistance and I cry out, "I can't do this anymore!"

   It's like a dam has burst lose. Everything starts pouring out of me in wild unstoppable streams. 

   "I can't bear wanting you all the time," I almost shout, "feeling dazzled when you're close to me, dreaming of things I can't have, dreaming of... you. It hurts me. I'm weak. I can't handle it."

   My voice cracks and I continue quietly, "I'm not afraid of you, Em. I want you so bad, but I'm scared of the consequences. I'm not strong enough to live through these feelings."

   I can't go on and heavily swallow. My tears are falling free now. I'm not fighting his embrace any longer, just hide my wet face in his chest and sniffle.

   I'm fully exposed and vulnerable. I couldn't safe myself and fell over the edge. Now I'm at his mercy.

   Em isn't moving, only slowly rubbing my back.

   "Look at me, my sweet," he whispers soothingly in my ear. "Don't be afraid."

   I shake my head in disagreement. I can't. I'll die if I do it.

   He grabs a handful of my hair and gently pulls to make me raise my face. I squeeze my eyes shut. The feeling of his warm fingers, wiping my tears is divine.

   "Look at me!" he repeats, his voice more demanding.

   I slowly lift my eyelids. His dark blue, piercing gaze makes me squirm in his arms.

   We stare at each other. 

   The raging waters of my mind slowly calm down, finally tamed by his strength and confidence. He makes me feel safe. I realize now that my anxieties overwhelm me only when he's not around. With him, holding me, everything's fine. 

   "I'm going to kiss you now," Em says firmly. 

   My lips part. I've craved for it since the first day I saw him and my heart almost broke when I thought it would never happen. 

   The silver labret under his bottom lip sparkles in the dim light and I can't help but gaze at his mouth. My breath quickens.

   He's closing the distance. I'm ready. Our lips are almost touching, but Em stops.

   "Say that you want it!" he whispers. "I need to hear it."

   There's no more hesitation. He's only a breath away but it looks like a million miles. It's unbearable. I'm desperate and give in.

   "Please," I almost whimper, throwing my arms round his shoulders, "Em, please, kiss me."

   Before I've finished, his lips are on mine. They are hot and gentle, so much softer and sweeter than in my wildest dreams. 

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A/N

Hello everyone who reached the end of Chapter 26.

I can't thank you enough for your support! ❤❤❤

You're amazing!

First kiss! 🥰What do you think?

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See you in the next chapter.

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Love: Anny