Picking up the Pieces

7

Meredith had been back in the hospital for a month after a week long break and Addison never really left her side.

Slowly Meredith was feeling more than friendship for the tall redhead, but she wouldn't admit it to anyone else but Mark, who had seemed almost amused by her statement, but Meredith didn't know why.

The Shepherds were in the middle of their divorce, because Addison had given up, her feelings for Meredith were too strong and either way they had no future anymore.
Derek was never there, always taking cases away from Seattle, so Meredith only had to take up with him when he was there for a longer period of time.

Addison was walking down to the basement looking for Meredith when she heard Izzie Stevens voice.

"Mer, when did you lose your virginity?"

"Seven... Teen"

Addisons heart stopped. The other interns might not have heard it but Addison had and the look on Mark's face who was down there too said it all.

She just found out a thing of Merediths past.

Addison wanted to know everything about the blonde, but that was more shocking than she could ever prepare for.

The pagers of the other interns and mark went off and they quickly left Meredith and Addison alone in the basement.

Addison took a seat on the gurney beside Meredith and smiled when she felt her head on her shoulder.

After some minutes of comfortable silence Addison couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Mer, what happened to you? Seven?"

She felt Meredith stiffen and quickly shot an "you don't have to tell me anything, it's okay" behind it.

Meredith just sighed, debating in her head whether to tell her or not.

"My mother divorced my father when I was five and moved to Boston with me.
She had her first boyfriend when I turned seven, he wasn't... nice to me. He did things... when I was nine they broke up but my mother kept on bringing men home like him, until I moved out at seventeen.
In med school I met Finn, my boyfriend for three years. He also wasn't a good man. I met Mark when I was a year together with Finn. He saw the bruises and confronted Finn which resulted in some broken ribs and facial breaks for me. It wasn't the first and not the last time Mark saw me in hospital as a patient, in fact we met like that, he was a surgical resident on my case.
One time the beating was so bad that I miscarried.
Mark was always there for me, but he never said anything to Finn anymore, to prevent me from going to the ER.
I ... I tried to take my life pretty often in my youth, but it was like my mother sensed it always, she would always find me before i was done and bring me to psych, were they pumped me full of medication and sent me back home. It was always the same.
When I met Derek I thought he was different, I thought he wouldn't hurt me, he couldn't hurt me. But I was wrong.
After you came into the picture he started showing his true face, he started doing exactly what every other man in my life did. Except for Mark of course.
Mark is the only man I trust. With him I know for sure that he would never hurt me, with him I feel save "

Addison felt the tears burning behind her eyes. Silence filled the basement and Meredith started to feel scared.

"Oh god you think I'm disgusting"

"What? No! Meredith... no. I think you are the strongest person I've ever got to know.
I just... I'm shocked how one person could go through so much and is still alive, is still standing strong.
You and Mark... what is there between you?"

"For me it's just friendship with benefits. I kinda use sex with him as a way to get my mind off things... he is my best friend and I love him, but not in a romantic way."

Addison felt relieved. Meredith and Mark were nothing more then friends with benefits. She still had a chance.

She wrapped her arms around Meredith and pulled her close, feeling her giving in to the embrace. She kissed the top of her blonde hair and they just sat there, intertwined in each other, seeking comfort of each other.

"Tomorrow is the day were we make the divorce final. After what you have told me I don't think I can even look at Derek anymore. I feel so disgusted by him..."

"Don't let it out on him..."

"Why not?"

"I'm used to it. I don't know any different, at least not really. I came to the conclusion that almost every men has this side inside them."

"No, only the men you know"

"Did you think it of Derek? Did you see this side on him?"

"No"

"You can never know until you see it. You can never know until the man finds an easy target, mostly a young or broken girl. Maybe both. You look strong to me, a man would never dare to do that to you"

"Maybe I look stronger on the outside, but you are way stronger on the inside, Meredith."

"I wish I was"

"You are!"

Meredith sighed.

"Do you want to come over tomorrow after my divorce is final? Then you can get away from Derek, I'm pretty sure he will do something afterwards"

"If you don't mind"

"No I don't mind. I like you. I really like you, Mer. And I love your company."

"Okay then"

"Okay"

Both smiled widely before Addison said:
"Hey do you have patients?"

"No not right now. I have to fill out these forms tho"

"I'll help you and then we go lay down, you look pretty tired and I know damn well that I am tired as hell."

"I would like that. Thanks"

They filled out the forms and stood up.
As soon as Meredith stood on her feet she had to sit down again, feeling dizzy.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just a little dizzy. I think I really need that sleep"

She stood up again, not feeling any dizziness this time and they went to the next on call room.
They locked the door, took off their white coats and Addison sat down on the bed, pulling Meredith with her.

They got used to sleeping in each other's arms in the last couple weeks, Meredith came over pretty often, so used that they couldn't sleep very well without each other anymore.
Addisons arms went around Merediths thin waist and with Merediths head on her chest she fell into a deep sleep.