SENIORS | shawmila

six.

That afternoon had been a rough one for Camila. She felt outside herself, suddenly like she couldn't breathe when she saw Shawn and Shelby together. Just seeing them standing together seemed to pull all the air from her lungs. She suddenly felt like she was going to fall over.

Camila turned and bolted out of the school. She couldn't breathe, all the noise around her fading. The voices of other students didn't reach her ears, even those that maybe called out to her, she just pushed past them. All she could do was sit on the school bus, inches from her sister, and try not to lose it until she got home.

She threw her stuff on the bed and slammed her door closed. She sank down to the floor, trying to breathe and trying to keep back the thoughts that were insistently running through her mind.

Shawn and Shelby, it just didn't make sense, but then why were all the pieces there? They had plenty of time to hook up Saturday night if they wanted. Camila couldn't stop picturing it, two sober and beautiful people finding time alone away from all the noise. Shawn kissing Shelby the same way he kissed her, his hands in her golden hair.

She pictured him on top of her, them naked and she wanted to scream. She grabbed her pillow, pressing her face into it to muffle the range of emotions spilling out in heavy tears, streaking it with her makeup.

Something thumped against her door and Camila slowly opened it. Thunder poked his head in, his shaggy black fur pressing comforting against her body. She wrapped her arms around her dog's neck and sobbed.

Camila stayed in her room, her emotions swirling, not even coming down for dinner. She couldn't stop thinking about it, and couldn't decide who she hated more in this moment. Maybe it should be Shawn, for going after her friend, or Shelby, for going after Shawn, but debating that just meant the image of them stayed in her head.

Her mother came in to check on her and Camila dried her face on her blanket, making some excuse about not feeling well. She reached for her phone a few times, seeing texts from both Shawn and Shelby and hating the way their names looked together on her phone. She left them unread, random thought in her mind of strangling Shelby. Or Shawn.

But why, why did it hurt so bad? She didn't even know if it was real.

Shelby was her door into the in crowd, and Shawn was her lifeline back to the place where being in the in crowd didn't matter. When everything tangled up, when they had each other, where the hell did that leave her?

She jumped when her phone vibrated. It was Shawn. Camila's heart pounded, Shawn's name doing things to her, making her picture those things again, like flashes in her mind. But she slowly reached for it and answered.

"Hey."

"Hey. How's the play going?" He asked, just his voice along stirring something inside her.

"Fine." She whispered, trying to keep from breaking.

"Listen, I just wanted to talk. There's some bullshit going around, I don't know what you heard, but it's not true, about me and Shelby. Jade just saw us smoking weed and made something up. I swear—"

Camila laughed. She couldn't help it. Such relief washed over her, making her feel light headed. Thunder lifted his head off the bed and stared as she laughed louder. It was everything about his voice, she just knew he wasn't lying. She knew he'd never betray her.

She laid back against the pillows, smiling despite the tear-streaks dried on her face. His voice calmed her and she felt okay again, better than okay.

It was just like it should be when they talked, Camila feeling bolder in her relief, needing more than just words. Maybe it was a little desperate, but she wanted the physical reassurance too.