Four out of Six

~Chapter 7~

Four days had passed since the kiss, and Daichi had avoided the topic with all of his might.

Everyone seemed to notice something was off with their captain and vice captain. Daichi was more civil with him, keeping him at arm's length. Suga, meanwhile, seemed sadder. The team figured it was because he wasn't allowed to practice with them anymore, but it became more and more obvious the cause was a certain someone.

It was the most unlikely of people who finally confronted the captain.

"Asahi?" Daichi smiled. "What's up?"

"You. Well, not up. But something's bothering you."

"Is it that obvious?"

Asahi's little wince was all the answer he needed. Daichi sighed and leaned back. Silence. Asahi finally pushed a bit.

"Is it something to do with Suga."

"It is." He paused. "I don't want to talk about it. At least, not here."

Asahi nodded. "Um... My parents aren't home, if you want to come over."

"Thanks."

~

"He kissed you?!"

"Not so loud!" Daichi groaned.

"Sorry, sorry." Asahi lowered his voice, though he wanted to remind Daichi there wasn't anyone else in the house. "Um, so how was it?"

"Asahi, I think you're missing the point. Suga. Our classmate. Our teammate. He kissed me."

Asahi nodded slowly. "And...?"

Daichi flopped onto his back. "Nevermind."

"No, tell me what's wrong."

Daichi hesitated.

"Asahi, I'm not...gay."

"You don't have to say it like it's some disease. It's not like being gay is gross and wrong."

Daichi turned away. Asahi's perpetual frown deepened.

"Oh, don't tell me you're one of those straight people."

"What do you mean 'one of those straight people'? Why are you saying it like you're gay?"

Dead silence.

It took Daichi several long moments to compute what was happening. He gasped.

"Wait... Asahi, you're not... Are you?"

Asahi looked away.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Daichi asked.

"Because I was afraid something like this would happen."

Daichi felt absolutely ashamed of himself. How could he had made one of his closest friends feel like coming out would mean he was rejecting them? What kind of captain was he? What kind of friend was he?

Asahi picked up on Daichi's distress almost immediately.

"It's okay! You're the first person I've told, but it wasn't as bad I thought it'd be."

"Gee, thanks," Daichi deadpanned.

"Look, Daichi. We're in high school! People already make me nervous, and think I'm a fifth year, and tell me I'm too weak-willed. Imagine if they learned I was gay. I couldn't live with that. I'd rather just finish high school quietly without any more drama."

"Oh, it's not that."

"Hm?"

Daichi laughed. "I was just thinking how ironic it is that you'd be more mature about it than me!" His laughter trailed off as he though. "I care about Suga. Truly, I do. But I don't think I can lie to him like that. I don't know if I can love him like that."

"I understand."

The two sat in silence again, both mulling over their own thoughts.

"I don't want to date him because it's the dying wish of my best friend, you know?" said Daichi. "I want to date him because I care about him."

Asahi hummed in understanding. "Well, um... Did you enjoy the kiss?"

Daichi didn't reply right away. Asahi was immediately worried. "Daichi?"

"What if I did?"

"That doesn't necessarily make you gay, you know?"

"I know."

Asahi shrugged. "What do either of you have to lose?"

Daichi laughed at the irony. "Y'know, Suga said the exact same thing before he kissed me."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

The captain shrugged. "Well, I'll have to talk him soon, won't I?"

~

Daichi decided to talk to Suga the next day. It was Saturday. Due to his illness Suga took weekends off. So Daichi headed to the Sugawara's house (a place he was becoming increasingly familiar with) after noon. He let himself in, knowing the door wouldn't be locked.

When he entered the house, Daichi heard a small voice.

"Mom?"

Daichi stopped in the doorway. That was Suga. Daichi had never seen it sound so quiet and hopeless before. Instead of entering the living room he stood in the hallway and peeked in between the crack.

Suga was standing near the doorway, his back turned to his door. His mother, Sugawara Hiromi, who was sitting on the couch, set her knitting down and looked up at her son.

Suga took a deep, hiccup-y breath.

"Why me?" he asked.

Hiromi's face fell. She looked at her son with pitying eyes. "Oh, Kou-chan. Come here."

Koushi's mother embraced him in the next second as Suga broke down. Daichi could see his frail fingers clinging desperately to her shirt, shaking with fear and exertion. The two of them kneeled on the floor. Suga sobbed as he spoke.

"I-I'm not go-g-g-going t-to grad-duate h-high school. I w-won't go t-t-t-to college...or, or ask som-m-meone out. I won't have my f-first drink or my first ap-apart-apartment. I'll never g-go to my fr-friends' weddings, or get a job, or learn to dr-rive, or cook, or anything! I'm just gonna d-die without doing anything!"

He wailed. The sound wasn't even human anymore. It was something guttural and primitive and raw.

It was the most broken sound Daichi had ever heard in his life.

"I don't wanna die, Mom! I don't wanna die! Why does it have to be me?"

And all Hiromi could do was shush him and rub his back soothingly as Suga let it all out while she did her best to compose herself.

Daichi blindly took steps away from the door. He almost tripped on the rising from the genkan, but managed to catch himself without making any noise. He didn't even bother to put his shoes on all the way. Daichi got them on enough to walk away, closing the door as quietly as he could.

He ended up leaning against that same door and crying as well.