Four out of Six

~Chapter 12~

Sugawara Koushi passed away that very night in January. According to both the doctor and the coroner it was a peaceful death. He probably didn't feel any pain. Daichi heard from a phone call at nine in the morning. By the time he came running to the Sugawara's door a stretcher was being wheeled out. The body was covered with a plain white sheet.

The funeral happened the following week on a grey Tuesday. The whole school was gathered, with the volleyball team standing front and center school uniforms. For once not a single shirt was left untucked. Daichi couldn't help but snort a bit at thinking of how Koushi would've reacted to seeing them all dressed so nicely. It was the only time he laughed that whole day.

It was an open casket.

Sugawara Koushi lay there. He didn't look dead, more like he was asleep.

"I feel like he's going to wake up and tell us it's all a big joke," Asahi said. He froze. "I'm sorry! That was insensitive..."

Suga's father placed a hand on Asahi's shoulder. His eyes were red-rimmed.

"No, don't apologize. I feel the same way too."

After the funeral was the cremation. Only close friends and family were allowed to attend. As was Suga's request, the whole team was to attend. They were loaded into a rented bus and driven to the cremation center, where they waited.

Those next ninety minutes were torture. The whole team sat together in silence. It was the first time the volleyball team had ever managed to be absolutely quiet for more than two minutes.

It was awful.

Coach Ukai finally excused himself for a smoke fifteen minutes in, Takeda-sensei immediately following him. Hinata, who had gone to the bathroom, came back in saying he thought he heard their coach crying outside.

Then it was time to move the ashes to the urn.

Due to the limited number of bones that were to be placed in the urn, only Daichi and Asahi were asked to partake in the ceremony. First were Suga's parents, then his uncle and aunt, then his grandfather.

The chopsticks were passed to Daichi. He shook his head slightly, taking a step back.

That wasn't him. Daichi couldn't accept it. There was no way that pile of white bones settled within the blackened ashes was all that remained of the boy he'd dated, the boy who had been alive just a week before. Wave after wave of denial pushed into his throat. He was shaking. He couldn't be here. He couldn't. He had to get away from it!

It was Asahi's steady hand on his shoulder that grounded Daichi. He met the ace's eyes. Puffy, bloodshot, understanding. Daichi took a small breath and stepped forward. He nodded to the relative opposite of him (Koushi's favorite uncle). Together they picked the up the bone they were directed to and putting it gently in the urn. And just like that it was done.

Daichi let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

The ashes were distributed among the relatives into three smaller urns, to be kept in the homes. Suga's bones were taken to the family grave.

By the time they'd arrived, the clouds had cleared and it was sunny. The graveyard was quiet save for a few birds chirping. Daichi stood solemnly between Mr. Sugawara and Asahi as the ceremony came to a close.

It wasn't until hours later—after the funeral and the burial, after leaving on a familiar walk home from the Sugawara household, after shedding the tight jacket and loosening the chokehold of his tie—that Sawamura Daichi's steady defense finally broke. It was then, sitting in Asahi's room, that he sobbed into his friend's embrace until he fell asleep from pure exhaustion.

~

The end of his third year was a blur. Daichi had gotten into college. The college he and Suga had agreed to apply to together. His counselor had given him a disapproving look, saying Daichi should choose the higher level school he'd been accepted to. He refused.

It was the only school he could play volleyball at, after all.

With spring came graduation, a tearfest and another memorial for Suga. Then in April Daichi was off to college.

Some things didn't change. He continued to study, though it wasn't exactly necessary anymore. He played volleyball. He met up with Asahi when he could, though their schedules never really lined up nicely. He also went to Koushi's parents' home for dinners every time he was in town, though as time went on the number of dinners slowly decreased until Daichi stopped going over altogether. It was too much to bear.