Make Me Beg [BL]

Chapter 32

QOTD: fluff, fluff and angst, or angst. pick one 🧍

Rylan didn't hug or kiss me goodbye and I didn't expect him to. But somehow, it still hurt. I didn't expect anything less, not after explaining everything to them.

"My mom's having me see a therapist." I mumbled. My fingers threaded through the rips in my jeans, just so I wouldn't have to look at them. "She, um- my therapist doesn't think I should talk to you for a little while."

Along with my mom, I talked to Penelope this morning. I didn't want to, but I couldn't exactly refuse when I cried to my mom about everything. It wasn't how I wanted to tell her about Rylan.

She didn't react when I told her I wasn't just dating Kyler. There's two of them, I told her and she only said okay and helped me calm down before I had a panic attack.

I wanted to tell her about how happy the two of them made me, how they're the first people to ever like me as I am, and how much they've changed me- but I couldn't. At least not right now, maybe when I get home.

Right now, her assumptions about them probably weren't the best.

"For how long?" Rylan asked and I could tell. I could tell they both didn't like this break we were taking. Because no matter how pretty I decorated the word, it was still just that, a break.

"I don't know." I admitted, feeling guilty. "She said we'll try a week at first and if I'm okay then to try another."

A week with absolutely no contact. No seeing each other, no texts, no calls, nothing. Just thinking about it made me want to take back everything I said and somehow pretend this whole thing never happened.

A whole week, seven full days. I could barely go the night without seeing them. I didn't feel like I was going to be okay, but I didn't have a choice anymore.

I told them already, there's no taking it back. I want to get better, I pulled out a thread and rolled it between my finger. I'm so tired of being sad- I want to be happy too.

Their silence was loud and it made me feel nauseous. "I can ask her." I rushed out, suddenly regretting ever talking to Penelope. "If we just text it should be fine. I'll ask her."

To show them and hopefully break their silence, I went to grab my phone. Kyler stopped me. "It's okay." Each pretty finger wrapped around my wrist and set it back on my lap. "She probably knows what's best, it's good to listen to her." The words weren't forced and they were genuine enough but it was easy to see he didn't want to say it.

I'm sorry, I didn't say.

If I were in their position, I would've reacted much worse. And that's partly why I did it. Taking a break from them before they could take a break from me would be easier. It still hurt so, so much, but it would hurt a thousand times worse if they were the ones to do it.