Make Me Beg [BL]

Chapter 34

It took me another full week to build up the courage to text Rylan and Kyler. We're at seventy days now.

Seventy full days of radio silence. I haven't heard either of their voices in seventy days. My heart thumped unsteadily in my chest when I texted them. I reworded it ten different times and ultimately went with hey.

Not in the group chat, but individually. Rylan first, and then Kyler.

I almost wanted to give my phone back to Mom. I wanted her to take it away and not give it back to me for weeks. Not because I wasn't okay, I felt more okay than I have in months, but because it felt like I was texting my crush for the first time.

In a way, I was. This was the first time I texted them and felt okay. My heart beat wildly and my stomach turned as I tried to focus on my show, but I was okay.

A small part of me wanted to, but I didn't stare at my phone anxiously and wait for a reply. I plugged it in to charge and turned towards my tv where Criminal Minds was playing.

I've started watching more tv lately. Before, I couldn't focus on it at all. All the colors blurred together and the words sounded foreign, but now I was completely consumed in the show.

I couldn't lie and say I almost forgot that I texted them. While I didn't obsess over a reply, I did still wonder what they would say.

Hey, would be a good start, I think.

My phone sounded with a text.

My stomach dropped.

There was five minutes left of Criminals Minds and I watched each one, even the ending credits. I didn't drop everything I was doing to check my phone, but I did force myself to finish the episode.

Progress, my mind spoke. Before, I would've never even set my phone down to charge.

My stomach was in knots and my hand shook as I unplugged it. Blocking my lock screen of Sammy, there were two texts waiting for me.

Rylan: hey

Rylan: how're you doing?

I read it over and over, and made sure he actually texted me. This is real, I told myself. He's real- this is happening.

I wondered what to say, but tried not to put too much thought into it. If I did, I might start obsessing over myself and him.

Me: hi

After I sent it, I regretted it. Fuck- I already said that.

Me: i'm okay

Not good, because I wasn't. But I was okay and content, and that was more than enough. Content was all I wanted. Right now, I'm alone and content and I'm not scared anymore.